You politely alert the other person/side that something terrible is in danger of happening, and tactfully let them know there’s a way to avoid it.
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You’re the one with more leverage, but you frame the situation as being under their control. They’re the boss.
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And because you’re polite—or even sincerely nice—they can’t get mad at you without looking stupid. And it would be stupid, because your politeness helps them save face.
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I gently employ the collaborative threat technique sometimes when I’m having a customer service issue that’s not getting resolved:
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I’ll let them know I’m a marketing professor who’s active on social media and I love posting reviews and shout outs when I get great service...
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I really don’t enjoy posting negative reviews, but when things go really wonky, I want to save others from similar frustration. Is there a way for this situation to turn around? I hope?
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Pelosi knows exactly what power she has, and exactly what her opponent cares about (media attention might be the ONLY thing he cares about).
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She’s saying, “I know you were hoping to give the SOTU Address on TV this month, blessyourheart, and it’s so unfortunate to have the darn shutdown getting in the way!...
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...but if we work together... just putting my thinking cap on here... what about in writing on the 29th? Or if TV is better for you, I know, we could reschedule for, after the, thingamabob. How would that be for you?”
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When you use a collaborative threat, you’re letting them know you have leverage and saying, “Gosh I’d hate to have to use it! Let’s be friends.”
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Nancy Pelosi is the REAL DEAL negotiations master. Not that whatsisname.
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PS A powerful situation for using a collaborative threat—if you can do it sincerely and gracefully—is when you’ve been promised a raise or promotion that isn’t coming through.
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“Gosh, I’d really hate to start interviewing. I mean, if a competitive offer is what it will take, I can get one... but of course to be in integrity, I’d have to consider it seriously. And I’d rather not do that, I *love* working here with you.”
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And that’s a wrap. Thanks for making today’s mininegotiation lesson possible,
@SpeakerPelosi, and please keep up the good work!!
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