laura zeis

@zeistea

It's hard to be a diamond in a rhinestone world

Brooklyn, NY
Vrijeme pridruživanja: studeni 2007.
Rođen/a 06. travnja

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    12. velj 2019.

    Airport security just checked my flute for drugs. This is the coolest a flute player can feel.

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  2. prije 10 sati

    I want “Shakira’s Tongue” to be the next “Chekhov’s Gun,” and I don’t even know what I mean by that.

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  3. 20. sij

    🎵We’re all turds now in the shit show.🎶

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  4. 17. sij

    🎵 Hot bile in the city! 🎶

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  5. 16. sij

    Dating a movie buff? Try this one: “Boy, you got me so wet I’m John Waters down there.” (She lifts her skirt to reveal a pencil mustache wax-job)

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  6. 14. sij

    I bet every other native Texan did this when they learned about .

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  7. 8. sij

    The only personality test that should matter to anyone is: Are you a Beavis or a Butthead?

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    QUIZ: Are You Even Good Enough to Have Imposter Syndrome?:

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  9. 22. pro 2019.

    🎵I’m gonna crap my paaaants🎵 🎶only got BBQ in my stomaaach🎶 🎶I’m gonna burst🎶 🎵This is the worst🎵 🎵This is fuckin awfullllll🎵

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  10. 15. pro 2019.

    Companies are already branding their sales with the words “last minute shopping.” Today is December 15. My big procrastination dick scoffs at this.

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  11. 14. pro 2019.

    As I pulled my AirPods out on the subway platform, my newly purchased SPANX® tights came out of my bag, landing on the Q train tracks. A hot dude jumped down and got them for me. I’m going to tell this story every time I wear them.

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  12. 10. pro 2019.

    🎵my IBS🎶 🎶is killing me🎵

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  13. 21. stu 2019.

    Will this holiday season gift us with another gripping story about The Smithsonian National Zoo's Naked Mole Rat Queen? I sure hope so.

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  14. 15. stu 2019.
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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Better luck tomorrow everybody.

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  16. 13. stu 2019.

    Me with someone on a Q train that hasn’t moved in 20 mins. The person is still wearing their marathon medal from 10 days ago: “I honestly hate running; Tendinitis is the worst lol! (Whispers) I do think we should all be able to run away from bad guys, though.”

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Tis the season where I get low blood sugar and almost faint wearing a heavy coat on the train. My kind should’ve died out.

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Casual Friday 💁🏼

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    i've seen this clip a bunch so I added Joe Pesci's character from My Cousin Vinny

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    The only ambulance I want picking me up

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
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