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zaktoscani's profile
Zak Toscani
Zak Toscani
Zak Toscani
@zaktoscani

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Zak Toscani

@zaktoscani

Stand Up Comedian // Co-host of FADED - Every Friday - 7:30PM - 7551 Melrose Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90046

Los Angeles, CA
zaktoscani.com
Joined January 2011

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    Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 29 Mar 2018

    Co-worker got his lunch stolen and they’ve agreed to let him watch the security camera tape. This is the most excited I’ve ever been at any job ever. Ever.

    1:00 PM - 29 Mar 2018
    • 162,850 Retweets
    • 533,241 Likes
    • PUTA 🌹 Catherine Grogan Martin Topboy like Sully Ola Oyetade Wholesome Jose Rosa Pacheco faif Prem Patel Red
    7,605 replies 162,850 retweets 533,241 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 29 Mar 2018

        The lunch in question was shrimp fried rice which means this escalates from a misdemeanor to felony no doubt

        110 replies 4,746 retweets 70,700 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 29 Mar 2018

        Case facts: Lunch was in fridge for less than an hour before it vanished. No shrimp smell remnants in the microwave or kitchen area. This was a professional hit no doubt

        41 replies 3,145 retweets 48,159 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 29 Mar 2018

        HOLY SHIT. He’s back. He watched the tape. He knows who did it.

        33 replies 2,383 retweets 39,863 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 29 Mar 2018

        So the man who’s lunch was stolen sits across from me. The person who stole his lunch sits RIGHT NEXT TO ME! She left for the day before the investigation started

        54 replies 2,719 retweets 41,790 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 29 Mar 2018

        According to the video, this psychopath DIDNT EVEN EAT THE FOOD. She took it out of the fridge and threw and buried it in the trash

        229 replies 3,297 retweets 45,807 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 29 Mar 2018

        Her motives remain completely unknown. In lieu of what he saw on the tape he has decided to not to press the matter anymore. I can’t say I blame him. We don’t know what this women’s fully capable of

        107 replies 2,477 retweets 44,010 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        Points to clarify: he bought the shrimp fried rice around 11:30am (carry out) and put it in the fridge to chill until he takes lunch at noon. So she had exactly a 30min window of time to do what she did. There was no intention of microwaving the food

        92 replies 2,041 retweets 34,888 likes
        Show this thread
      9. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        Update: Ok so when dude watched the video with HR they asked “what do you want to do about it?” he told them he was solely interested in who did it and that he didn’t want to be responsible for someone getting fired

        66 replies 1,940 retweets 31,855 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        After charges were dropped, HR sent a company wide email about not stealing people’s lunches. She is scheduled to arrive at work in 20min. My blood is on cocaine

        144 replies 3,616 retweets 67,251 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        She has walked into the room. And the room is dead silent. Dead fucking silent yet there is a palpable explosive energy pulsing through everyone but her

        44 replies 2,510 retweets 47,112 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        From the moment she walked in, I’ve just been staring at her. Watched her open her email and now she clicked on the goddamn HR email! Holy fuck strap in - here we go!

        43 replies 2,102 retweets 38,856 likes
        Show this thread
      13. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        I can’t move. I simply cannot move, anything could happen right now

        33 replies 1,802 retweets 37,747 likes
        Show this thread
      14. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        !!!! After seeing the HR email she says out loud “woah. Someone stole a lunch? Who would do something like that?” !!! I may have to run out of this room

        138 replies 4,039 retweets 68,636 likes
        Show this thread
      15. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        After she said that, shrimp guy responds “well yea it’s not ok to throw someone’s food away” we’re all about to start screaming

        49 replies 2,825 retweets 52,375 likes
        Show this thread
      16. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        This shits about to get crazier. After he says that she goes “oh it was your lunch?” BEAT she continues “well why would you go to HR about that?!”

        108 replies 2,089 retweets 37,126 likes
        Show this thread
      17. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        She has simultaneously denied her involvement AND called the guy who saved her job a snitch!!!!!!!!!

        185 replies 2,651 retweets 50,792 likes
        Show this thread
      18. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        Dude just sighed and went back to work after she said what she said. She looks frightwningly calm

        195 replies 1,663 retweets 32,027 likes
        Show this thread
      19. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        I’ll keep updating if anything else occurs but all I can say is that EVERYONE in the office from the janitor to the founder knows what she did. She now carries an invisible scarlet letter

        516 replies 2,637 retweets 58,731 likes
        Show this thread
      20. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        This is real. This is happening. We know who did it but we don’t know why. It’s a post production company so we’re in fact open today. She’s been sitting 3ft from me this whole time

        464 replies 1,569 retweets 34,690 likes
        Show this thread
      21. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        Unbeknownst to the guy and the woman, I just ordered 3 shrimp fried rice plates for lunch and will be hand delivering them

        499 replies 2,011 retweets 48,613 likes
        Show this thread
      22. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        She took the fried rice from me with a big smile on her face. She’s eating it and loving it. This is utter ruthlessness

        369 replies 1,725 retweets 37,524 likes
        Show this thread
      23. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        “I LOVE shrimp fried rice” - the thief

        925 replies 4,362 retweets 60,847 likes
        Show this thread
      24. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 30 Mar 2018

        I wish I could close this up with a neat little bow, but, it appears that we may never know why she did it. Maybe she doesn’t know she did it. Either way I’m now forced to work 40hrs a week next to a cold blooded individual

        3,022 replies 3,952 retweets 91,613 likes
        Show this thread
      25. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 2 Apr 2018

        Monday Morning Update: I was the first one into the office. She was the second. Just her and I, sitting 3ft away from each other in an empty room for over an hour. Every breath felt borrowed.

        80 replies 198 retweets 3,812 likes
        Show this thread
      26. Zak Toscani‏ @zaktoscani 2 Apr 2018

        She has not seen any of this. OR she is thoroughly and convincingly pretending not that have seen it. Either way I’m still alive. Thank you for reading.

        326 replies 197 retweets 5,318 likes
        Show this thread
      27. End of conversation

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