Zak Toscani

@zaktoscani

Stand Up Comedian // Co-host of FADED - Every Friday - 7:30PM - 7551 Melrose Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90046

Los Angeles, CA
Vrijeme pridruživanja: siječanj 2011.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    14. lis 2019.

    Every time I come home to visit Cincinnati, my father will pick me up from the airport, but instead of going directly home. He’ll show me every single thing that’s changed since the last time. He was gassing up this new Waffle House for 35 miles.

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  2. prije 49 minuta

    My dad then pointed to a chart. A small circle that said OLIVE GARDEN. A medium circle encompassing the smaller circle which said FAMILY. And a larger circle encompassing both circles that said BUSINESS

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  3. prije 52 minute

    “Listen young man, family. Family, is a business at the end of the day”

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  4. prije 55 minuta

    I was once traded by mom to my dad for peace & quiet considerations

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  5. prije 9 sati
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  6. prije 10 sati

    built an app to help clean my room. The app is so easy, so fast, and so accurate. This room will be cleaned in no time. *16 hours later* THE APP FUCKING WORKS OK?!

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  7. prije 11 sati

    Started today falling down some stairs with a couple 2x4’s following close behind. Great alarm clock would recommend

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    23. sij

    cats litter box is next to the toilet, which means, not often, but once in awhile, I walk out + see cat waiting to get in. It’s so funny to me - so human of an interaction that I’ll say: Might wanna wait a min dude Or You just eat a whole can of beef too? Or Ma’am *tip my hat*

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  9. 3. velj

    texted a fast food order to a friend and I feel like I just wrote the next great American novel

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    We’re back this Friday! Tickets are already moving quick, grab em while you can cuz this week’s show is LOADED.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    Maaaaaaybe the reason you’re having such a hard time dating is because you keep posting screenshots of texts from people you’re dating.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    The best football play in Florida this weekend won’t be at the the Super Bowl

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  13. 2. velj

    All the food can stay. I choose my guests to go

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  14. 2. velj

    *plays Tree Of Life DVD even though they asked me to stop* *overheard at the little kids table* “I think we can all agree Kobe’s legacy is complicated” “Wow! What a huge upset. Kind of like your mood when you drive in traffic William”

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  15. 2. velj

    I go to super bowl parties with the guise of football talk and get personal “I cant believe the receiver kept his feet in bounds! Didnt step out at all, not like you did with Diane right Steve?” *mutes the tv* “heh. A timeout don’t we all wish we could take a timeout from life?

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  16. 2. velj

    Never mind the redundant perspective, it also just looks physically uncomfortable cramming him in

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  17. 2. velj

    A reminder to ESPN that we don’t need two McEnroes in the commentary booth

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  18. 1. velj

    Performing stand up in smaller cities is the best. I even enjoy the part when a local comic who you don’t know, who wasn’t on the show, comes at you like “umm...you probably didn’t know this, but like, I’M the comic who does Best Buy jokes here”

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  19. 1. velj

    I gotta stop eating like I’m on a constant road trip

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  20. 1. velj
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  21. 31. sij

    Rapturous, that was the feeling I felt when I saw a Vulture article about how funny, unique, and caring my friends are. Verklempt, that’s what I became when I saw my name mentioned in it as well!

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