yungdeleuze

The smallest part of the body is an impermanent flux, infinitely complex and impossible to predict or control. And you think you’re being “rational” by worshipping your own tiny ego?

“Oh, but I am a part of the infinite reality. If I just think about chocolate, surely more chocolate will come my way. This proves that I’m a spatially small, but infinite chunk of God, akin to Nicholas de Cusa’s mathematic metaphors!”

There is an infinite void between this tweet and the person tweeting it. You can’t perfectly replicate the quantum algorithm I run. And you think to compare yourself to that which created the supernovas which created the Carbon molecules that act as the algorithm’s substrate?

I never felt good about my aesthetic preference as a child. I always thought other people’s creative expression was better than mine, so I stopped trying. Eventually, I became “creative” by rebelling against the religion I was raised with.

Ever since, I’ve clothed myself in a spiritual materialism based upon a pressing desire to figure out a perfect goal to shoot for so that I could calm down and focus on living. I had figured out how to execute tasks and be a useful engineer in my teens, so I rode the momentum.

I wouldn’t stop searching until I was sure that I was right. I got better and better with philosophical word games, ever more complex.

I didn’t allow myself to grow too attached to my own personality, because I wanted as little baggage as possible as I continually constructed and reconstructed my ways of thinking and being.