yungdeleuze

I don’t worry about acute stressors’ effect on my psyche. I worry about chronic stressors. Whenever possible, I amortize the process of dealing with psychological issues.

My life is difficult through my own doing I’ve set impossible standards for myself since I was young I’m thankful that I can access states of gratitude, relaxation, and love at times It’s harder for me to love myself at any given point in time than for me to do anything else

People have tried to love me at various points, and I haven’t let them. Always afraid of satisfaction. Afraid that I wouldn’t Become the Ideal.

At other times, I forget the women who have been in my life, and think to myself: why am I alone? I get into a thought loop: Ah, it must be because I’m unlovable in my current state. I need to grind harder. Then I inflict more psychological pain on myself.

I love being in high energy states. I’m committed to Experiencing life and loving God. Right now, I feel gratitude. I feel blessed for my family and the wonderful friends I have. I’m working on what I perceive to be the most interesting software project other than Bitcoin.