I don’t worry about acute stressors’ effect on my psyche. I worry about chronic stressors. Whenever possible, I amortize the process of dealing with psychological issues.
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People have tried to love me at various points, and I haven’t let them. Always afraid of satisfaction. Afraid that I wouldn’t Become the Ideal.
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At other times, I forget the women who have been in my life, and think to myself: why am I alone? I get into a thought loop: Ah, it must be because I’m unlovable in my current state. I need to grind harder. Then I inflict more psychological pain on myself.
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I love being in high energy states. I’m committed to Experiencing life and loving God. Right now, I feel gratitude. I feel blessed for my family and the wonderful friends I have. I’m working on what I perceive to be the most interesting software project other than Bitcoin.
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It’ll all work out. Writing is a good way to concretize thoughts so that you can look at them while in different states of mind. Also, much of the human experience is universal. Public writing isn’t so different from private writing.
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End of conversation
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