My kernel is segfaulting. I made mistakes. Oh no! 
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Kernel segfaults fixed by booting from USB, compiling some C project and downgrading linux. Nice.
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Replying to @yoshuawuyts
Doesn't arch usually give you a linux-fallback kernel in the boot menu?
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Replying to @laduke13
Oh yeah, maybe it does! - I haven't tried it yet. Probably should before things break again haha :D
6:00 PM - 11 Jan 2018
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