When I say every surface. I mean EVERY SURFACE. The thermometer, the plants, each other's shells, and -- and this one is important -- the filter. (Pictured: the greater bastard, the ruiner and escape artist, my adversary)pic.twitter.com/Zc7hy24h3Y
This is the legacy version of twitter.com. We will be shutting it down on June 1, 2020. Please switch to a supported browser, or disable the extension which masks your browser. You can see a list of supported browsers in our Help Center.
You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more
Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more
Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more
By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.
| Country | Code | For customers of |
|---|---|---|
| United States | 40404 | (any) |
| Canada | 21212 | (any) |
| United Kingdom | 86444 | Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2 |
| Brazil | 40404 | Nextel, TIM |
| Haiti | 40404 | Digicel, Voila |
| Ireland | 51210 | Vodafone, O2 |
| India | 53000 | Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance |
| Indonesia | 89887 | AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata |
| Italy | 4880804 | Wind |
| 3424486444 | Vodafone | |
| » See SMS short codes for other countries | ||
This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.
Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.
When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.
The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.
Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.
Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.
Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.
See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.
Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.
When I say every surface. I mean EVERY SURFACE. The thermometer, the plants, each other's shells, and -- and this one is important -- the filter. (Pictured: the greater bastard, the ruiner and escape artist, my adversary)pic.twitter.com/Zc7hy24h3Y
This morning, I came out to look upon my beloved precious shrimps, and my lovely foolish catfish, and my woefully concupiscent snails. But something was wrong. The tank, which normally is full of water, was noticeably emptier than it had been but a few hours before.
Also, my stack of TBR books and favorite notebooks, which sit just beside the fishtank on my desk, were completely drenched. Saturated. Ruined. A leak, you say? Oh no. That would be too simple.
What happened was, the larger, bastardier of the two snails decided that he needed to lay eggs *inside* the filter. So he did. He climbed up, snorped his way under the lip of the filter, and knocked the lid askew. Then he went inside and laid some fucking eggs.
But when he knocked the lid of the filter askew, it happened to land perfectly in such a way that it redirected the flow of the filter water, causing it to drip down the power cord and onto my FAVORITE NOTEBOOK and half my TBR books.
It was time to clean out the tank anyway, and I needed to get the eggs out of the filter and off the thermometer so I could READ THE GODDAMN TEMPERATURE, so I took everyone out of the tank and went to clean out the gravel.
And the tank shattered. Into a bazillion pieces. In my hands.
So for now, because my ridiculous snails love to fuck, everyone has to live in a blender.pic.twitter.com/9ViH7TtamR
Also to everyone who is asking questions about why a male snail would lay eggs: snails are hermaphroditic, they can produce both sperm and eggs, and they can apparently fuck any which way the wind blows. I use "he" pronouns for the big snail because he is a Rude Bastard Man.
My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.