fuck bosses, but if someone is a rude shit to you in an open source project connected to their work, it should be totally okay to email their manager
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Thanks for engaging btw. I didn't mean to put too fine a point on this particular interaction but it really bugs me that this language is so common in OSS.
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It's good that you intervened, you forced me to rethink the concept :)
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I like talking about needs and expectations. It's more neutral and doesn't make too many assumptions about legitimacy. In private, I often ask "what would a customer service representative do". It's a helpful mental heuristic imo. /cc
@littlecalculist
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if a user comes to my project and is repeatedly abusive/combative to developers or won't take "that's not a feature we can reasonably provide" as an answer, I'm going to block them, even if they do have a "legitimate grievance".
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this is my hobby and while I care a whole ton about my user's experiences there are just some things I can't invest the emotional energy into. Getting harassed, called names, or berated is one of them.
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the idea that my emotional health as a developer matters less then users "legitimate frustration" is just complete bullshit, *especially* given the huge asymmetry that can be present. (in my case, 100,000 users to only 3 or 4 active developers)
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Absolutely, if someone is repeatedly combative and won't engage in good faith. But I think we paint these situations with too broad a brush. Often, a kind word turns a combative comment into a warm conversation. And that works wonders for my mental health.
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sure, that works on a 1:1 level, but I don't have the emotional energy for 1,000s of those conversations a week. So I do what I can but I can't please everybody.
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That's the important point: users have legitimate needs, developers are legitimate in trying to preserve themselves. It's not a problem that will be fixed by assigning blame to either side
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