When people respond to things I say with something contrary, it's not always clear what they expect from me.
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Replying to @polotek
I'm a person who puts a ton of thought into most of the things I talk about. If you wanna debate my ideas, you'll find I'm prepared.
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Replying to @polotek
But I keep finding myself in the middle of passionate discourse only to have someone say "I thought we were just exchanging ideas".
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Replying to @polotek
All of a sudden, I'm the bad guy because I made it too serious. I'm not sure I'm explaining correctly, but this is really frustrating.
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Replying to @polotek
Or if I choose to actively disengage. I'm the bad guy because I'm not that passionate about whatever they want to discuss.
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Replying to @polotek
I could make this other people's problem. But I think it's about how I view people's motivations when they engage with me.
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Replying to @polotek
Having good natured disagreements about things can be a way to create some connection. The connection is more important than the debate.
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Replying to @polotek
If the debate is too contentious, the connection is ruined. If I shut down the debate it can come across as refusing the connection.
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Replying to @polotek
Neither of these is what I want. I'm okay with connection. But I'm not sure I want to achieve it through disagreement. Even if good natured.
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Replying to @polotek
My point is, I think I need to recognize when people are trying to connect in good faith and reset my expectations.
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