Salma El-Wardany’s posts

Jun 6, 2022

‘It’s a little sexy’ said

@JennaBushHager

and that’s what I’ll have on my CV and tombstone. Delighted to announce that the

@TODAYshow

own #ReadWithJenna book club have picked my debut novel for June. Please preorder and hand me a box of tissues if you see me, I’ll be weeping.

Quote

TODAY with Hoda & Jenna

@HodaAndJenna

Jun 6, 2022

The #ReadWithJenna June pick is here!

1:12

Jun 9, 2022

I give you….my dad. 💖 He went out to Waterstones this morning to buy my book, despite the fact he will never read it because as he gruffly states, ‘it’s really not my kind of thing Salma,’ and my heart is done for.

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Jun 12, 2015

What if you found your soulmate but they love to clap when the plane lands.

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Sep 21, 2014

Thank god I don't have a thigh gap, I would have dropped my phone down the toilet by now if I did.

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This here is what we call white privilege and inhabited patriarchy.

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"I never chose for someone to rape me." Salma El-Wardany confronts Lois Perry after being told: "You can choose to be oppressed." @writtenbysalma | @TheJeremyVine | #JeremyVine

1:12

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Mar 24, 2014

I wish I could tweet my house clean.

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Apr 19, 2014

It's really not my problem if you're not clever enough to get my sarcasm.

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Aug 12, 2014

Sex so bad you don’t even bother sucking your stomach in.

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Apr 4, 2014

I can offer moral support. But apparently my morals are questionable so you might not want it.

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Apr 1, 2014

Twitter is our Narnia.

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Apr 19, 2014

Since when did your stupidity become my problem.

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Jun 17, 2020

I guess I did what all the memes told me to do in lockdown; I finished my novel. Every day I documented how many words I’d written on my calendar, and if anyone tells you that writing is anything but a back-breaking, sweat-inducing labour, they’re categorically lying to you.

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Jul 25, 2014

Let's just stop with all the retweets and fuck already.

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Sep 21, 2014

Guy texts me: Your beautiful. Me: *You're Silence......

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Jul 11, 2014

If you're not going to be a bad influence in my life than we probably won't be friends.

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Mar 5, 2019

I was in Parliament yesterday with

@jessphillips

We spoke about very serious things, but also we did this because balance is always necessary. Jess you were dreamy.

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Sep 20, 2014

I'm waiting for true love but will accept expensive gifts and rough sex in the interim.

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May 23, 2014

Which position would you like me in while you fuck me over?!

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Apr 29, 2014

Watching Grey's Anatomy teaches me that if I'm really sad, I should walk slowly down a corridor to a Snow Patrol track.

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May 17, 2014

The fact that I can turn almost anything into a sexual innuendo is a well honed skill I take great pride in.

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Aug 3, 2014

Sometimes I get really sadistic and I check my bank balance.

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Jun 1, 2020

Wouldn’t it be nice if all those people who made NHS signs could make some BLM posters and stick them in their windows. Wouldn’t that be a sight to see.

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Dec 9, 2015

Before I agree to date a man, I watch how he eats a pear. It's important to know how wet he's prepared to get his chin.

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Apr 1, 2014

Sometimes I just want to sit still and alone and tweet for hours. It's like going through the wardrobe door into another world.

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Aug 10, 2014

My tweets may make me sound like a total cunt but in my defence I am a cunt.

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Mar 16, 2021

My favourite sentence I’ve ever written: My debut novel has been bought by

@TrapezeBooks

and

@HachetteUS

and will be published in June 2022. 🥳 If we’ve ever talked or liked each other’s tweets, you are obligated to buy it. I don’t make the rules 🤷🏽‍♀️ thebookseller.com/news/trapeze-s

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Apr 4, 2014

Every word that comes out of your mouth is a series of unfortunate events.

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Jan 26, 2022

A completely unnecessary and extra book cover reveal, but I stand by it all the same. I have no regrets. 🤓 A big thank you to the team at ⁦

@TrapezeBooks

⁩ & ⁦

@orionbooks

⁩ for making such a beautiful cover. 💖

0:40

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May 2, 2014

Can you please wind your uterus in and ovulate less aggressively.

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Dec 2, 2021

I will never spam you with baby photos, but will incessantly post about my debut novel and how beautiful the proofs look, which have just arrived. #TheseImpossibleThings publishes in June 2022 and you can pre-order via link in my bio. I will of course love you forever if you do.

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Jun 8, 2020

Yorkshire tea and PG tips ACTUALLY serving the tea. WE FUCKING LOVE TO SEE IT. 👏🏽

Quote

@hassanshabir786

Jun 8, 2020

In case you missed the beef between the racists and PG tips & Yorkshire Tea

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Jan 2, 2015

I need someone who sees the fire in my eyes, and instead of controlling it, wants to play with it.

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Apr 1, 2014

I'm sure we could have had a lovely conversation if you weren't a raging bitch.

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Where are you from from? | Salma El-Wardany | TEDxEustonSalon

Sep 1, 2019

My second TEDx talk (😭 what an honour to be able to say that) is now live. Thank you to

@TEDxEuston

for inviting me. This one is for all the mixed race kids. The diaspora kids. The ‘I’m not sure where I’m from’ kids.

youtube.com

Salma's journey of personal discovery takes us from North Africa to Newcastle and across the Caribbean. Through all this, she shares her idea of celebrating ...

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Jun 9, 2022

Arguably the best lay of my life. My debut novel #TheseImpossibleThings IS OUT NOW! 🥳🥳🥳 I’m not advising that you go into bookshops and lie all over the books, but should you see my book out in the world please buy it and snap your beautiful self with it. #Publicationday 💖

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Oct 14, 2022

Delighted to finally be able to announce that I’ll be the new Breakfast show host on

Monday to Thursday, 7-10am, I’ll be waking the capital up. Rise and shine folks 🥰

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BBC Radio London

Oct 14, 2022

We are delighted to announce that the fabulous Salma El-Wardany and Riz Lateef will be our new breakfast presenters from 31st October. Salma will be on air Monday - Thursday and Riz on Fridays. bbc.in/3MDTaNK

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Sep 24, 2020

Trying to behave myself on national TV always takes such enormous effort. 😌 On

at 9:15 if you fancy watching me on the front line. The front line being right wing Twitter.

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Nov 21, 2014

Police: What the problem? Me: Noisy neighbours, I can't sleep. Police: Ma'am it's 4pm! Me: I know, it's like they don't understand nap time.

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Jun 22, 2020

Get the kettle on and join me on

this morning at 9:15 to witness the only time I brush my hair and put make up on. I’m just joking, I didn’t brush my hair, or wash it, and that’s why it’s up.

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Jul 10, 2015

Oh calm down, you're not the only person I'm avoiding.

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Nov 8, 2020

I wept during Kamala Harris’s speech because life just became more possible for women, specifically women of colour. Whatever your political leaning, this is a moment women and girls will remember. This is a moment for us all.

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Jul 5, 2020

I wrote an article on my own experiences with sexual assault for @SceneArabia in light of the reckoning happening in Cairo and I hope it lends courage and strength to those women currently in the trenches. We rise as one. ❤️ m.scenearabia.com/Life/Salma-El-

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Jul 31, 2020

Starting my Eid morning on the

@theJeremyVine

show, which is a sentence I never thought I’d say. Tune in as I continue to amaze everyone by not swearing on live tv. 9:15 we go live. 🧡👊🏽

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Lockdown chess continues today on

, as well as lots of chat, arguments and the usual disagreements. 😌 Tune in, 9:15am.

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Oct 28, 2019

I’m crying. Our book, It’s Not About The Burqa, has made it onto the

@Foyles

non fiction book of the year shortlist. Please buy, support and show the incredible women in it some love. I’ll be crying for the rest of the day. Thank you all for attending this press conference. 😭

Quote

Alice Dewing

@alicemaydewing

Oct 28, 2019

So so pleased to see #ItsNotAboutTheBurqa on the @Foyles Non Fiction Book of the Year shortlist!

Congratulations to dear trailblazing @helloiammariam and the brilliant women who we are so proud to publish in this amazing essay collection

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Jan 10, 2015

Masturbating is all good and well but pulling your own hair doesn't quite have the same effect!

Mar 28, 2021

I cannot stress this enough, but I am not, I repeat NOT, available for interview or comment about the ship stuck in the Suez Canal. I genuinely have no expertise in this area and would make terrible suggestions. The Salma El-Wardany you’re actually looking for is

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Just another white man who’s disgusted and disappointed with my views. Get in line bro and welcome to the party.

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"You're saying that I'm awful and disgusting for politicising this... this is political!" Salma El-Wardany and Dan Wootton clash over the Government's handling of the coronavirus crisis - was Salma right to criticise? @DanWootton | @writtenbysalma | @TheJeremyVine | #JeremyVine

1:37

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Sep 7, 2020

I never look impressed but it’s just my morning face I promise. Live on

at 9:15.

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On set and getting ready to bring my unpopular liberal opinions to the nation. Tune in at 9:15 on channel 5 for the

show. 💁🏽‍♀️

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Apr 3, 2021

My debut novel is now available to preorder and I’m treating this announcement as seriously as couples treat engagement photoshoots. Please act accordingly. 😌 Amazon: amazon.co.uk/Way-We-Were-Sa Waterstones: waterstones.com/book/the-way-w Bookshop: uk.bookshop.org/books/the-way-

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Oct 17, 2014

I'm a hundred different things that you will never understand. Stop trying to define me by my tweets.

with the absolute hero

@CCriadoPerez

while

@thejamesmax

sits in between us nervously. Hold onto your hats kids, it’s going to get real feminist up in here. 😌

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Jul 13, 2020

Back in the studio with my

family. Tune in at 9:15.

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Aug 25, 2020

Trying to look awake and lively on

this morning and sending up prayers for make up artists and tea makers. They are the foundation of live television. Tune in at 9:15.

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Apr 15, 2021

I’ve decided to rewrite the dictionary. 😌 Here’s my latest:

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Oct 4, 2014

Until I can download a cake and eat it I refuse to believe we've made any technological advancements at all.

Jul 31, 2020

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard on national television before. Thank you for the giggle.

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Jul 31, 2020

"Not even an Italian primadonna could out-drama you, Mike..." Things got a little heated when @WrittenbySalma and @MikeParry8 debated banning meat from public events... but at least Mike's questionable pronunciations broke the ice a little! @TheJeremyVine | #JeremyVine

3:00

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Mar 31, 2021

Happy 3 year friendversary to the baddest babe out in these streets

@yassmin_a

🎉🥳💞 I’m gushing publicly because we only ever celebrate anniversaries when they’re to do with men and marriage but my female friendships are worth more, and deserve more attention and celebration.

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Apr 23, 2020

I got my cuppa ready. Got my chess set out. I am ready for you this morning

@theJeremyVine

Tune in to

and tweet me chess advice please. ☺️

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Blackface is wrong. Blackface is wrong. Blackface is wrong. What is dangerous however, is white people crying censorship because they’re no longer allowed to ridicule black people.

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"There is a formula to follow if you get it wrong." Salma El-Wardany says Justin Trudeau is right to apologise for wearing "brownface" makeup years ago - but Lois Perry thinks: "We're entering into a very dangerous period of censorship." @writtenbysalma | @TheJeremyVine

1:15

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Sep 7, 2020

We‘re so busy telling people to get married and settle down, that we forget what value there is in being single. Maybe we should start telling people to Stay Single.

@sulibreaks

and I put our thoughts into a poem. Watch the full video: 👇🏽youtube.com/watch?v=m-xi-v

1:17

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Nov 18, 2015

No thanks Facebook, I don't even want to remember what I did last night, let alone look back on my memories from 4 years ago.

Aug 26, 2015

Friend: What's Twitter like? Me: Think of somewhere really motivational and inspiring! Friend: Yeah... Me: It's the exact opposite.

I need to work on my poker face. 🙄 What I said that cut out at the end was, ‘just because Priti Patel is brown and I’m brown doesn’t mean I have to back her’.

Quote

Lola Jaye

@LolaJaye

When working from home is interrupted by a blood boiling few minutes watching this on #JeremyVine No I don't need to ' back' someone I don't agree with just because they are a 'BAME' politician. Behave! I need to be more like @writtenbysalma with those facial expressions.

0:47

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Jul 4, 2022

I never forget the debt of gratitude I owe to the women who have gone before me. We don’t get here on our own and

@monaeltahawy

has paved many roads I am able to walk down today. Eternally in awe. Forever thankful. Go love on the women who have helped you rise. That’s an order.

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Apr 3, 2021

Love being referred to by my surname. Thanks gang. 💞

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BRITTLE PAPER

@brittlepaper

Apr 2, 2021

Egyptian-Irish poet Salma El-Wardany has signed a “six-figure deal” with @TrapezeBooks and Grand Central Publishing for her debut novel, The Way We Were. Congrats El- Wardany! brittlepaper.com/2021/04/egypti

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Oct 30, 2022

Tomorrow morning my brand new breakfast show begins on

, starting with the Queen of Words

@susie_dent

who will smash a proverbial pot of tea off something to christen us and see us on our way. Join me, 7-10am. Bring caffeine. 😌

0:12

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Going live on

at 9:15 where I will, no doubt, say something that upsets white men. Do tune in. ☺️

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Aug 17, 2014

Oh my god it feels so good!!!!!! Me every time I get into bed.

May 28, 2015

Guy in the bar: Why are you single? Me: Just lucky I suppose!

Apr 4, 2020

Tomorrow I make my debut on

@BBCRadio4

and finally make my mother proud. Tune in at 4:30pm as I explore the link between poetry and revolution, feat the extraordinary @YrsaDaleyWard

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Dear Men, A friendly reminder that International Woman’s Day is not the time for you to talk about how much you love your mum or how you bought your girlfriend tampons that one time. It’s the time to ask yourself the question; what do I actually do for women’s rights? #IWD2021

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Jun 25, 2020

Dear men, Just because you emphatically declare that you love your mum, doesn’t mean you’re not a misogynistic pig. Kind regards, Management

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May 21, 2020

I’ll be presenting Prayer for the Day on

@BBCRadio4

all next week. An opportunity to share the beauty of Islam, and what a rare opportunity it is. I hope you can listen. I hope we can have different conversations about faith.

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Jul 14, 2015

That would have been a really good time to keep my mouth shut. ~ A biography.

Apr 28, 2021

I’m now a columnist for

@MetroUK

and you can find my first column right here: 👇🏽🥳

Quote

Platform by Metro.co.uk

@MetroOpinion

Apr 28, 2021

'Trust me when I say, if a woman wants something – or you – you’ll know about it. In the meantime, men might start learning the word "no", and what it really means.' @writtenbysalma writes for @MetroUK metro.co.uk/2021/04/28/wom

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Aug 23, 2017

I gave a TedX Talk about Muzzers (aka #Muslims to the rest of you) so you should go see what's up 👇🏽👇🏽 bit.ly/2xrOFhj

Mar 23, 2015

Relationship status: Milkshake is still in the yard. Still no sign of the boys.

May 17, 2014

I wish the Hunger Games were real. And you had been selected.

Getting lefty on the

show with

and

. Tune in at 9:15. I will attempt to behave myself, but not really.

Aug 27, 2015

The youth of today don't remember the earliest version of Twitter, which was just a communal pillow you could scream into.

Apr 20, 2022

It is my aim in life to reveal my book covers with as much pomp and ceremony (and quite frankly unnecessary behaviour) as gender reveal videos on the internet… So allow me to introduce you to the US cover of my debut novel. #TheseImpossibleThings

1:30

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Nov 7, 2015

If by swallow you mean swallow my expectations and self respect, then yes I swallow.

Jun 29, 2020

With lots of giddy excitement and a little bit of pant wetting, I’m here to tell you that

@LionHeartfelt

and I will be starting our new show next Monday on

I will be saying things like ‘pant wetting’ much to the disapproval of my co-host. I hope you tune in.

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Mar 13, 2021

Only one other household on my street out at 9:30 tonight to mark the vigil for Sarah Everard. Just another reminder that women are always so alone in their fight.

Oct 19, 2014

Relationship status - pulling my own hair!

Aug 17, 2014

I'm positively worn out from all the sex I've been having in my imagination.

Oct 23, 2020

People kept asking me to talk about what was happening in Egypt to raise awareness, so I made a documentary doing just that. Catch it at 4:30 today on

@bbcworldservice

Featuring the wonderful

@monaeltahawy

who is thankfully, as furious as I am.

The in only thing that makes the news and politics bearable is

and #theroomnextdoor

I'm the woman you date just before you meet the woman of your dreams. Apparently.

Nov 9, 2015

I managed to catch my phone before it landed on my face tonight in bed and so now I'm obviously Bruce Lee.

May 17, 2014

If you and I are going to retweet each other all night long, can I at least be on top?

Nov 20, 2014

Flattery will get you everywhere but telling people to fuck off also gets you to a lot of places. Places away from people mainly.

Jun 30, 2020

Call it rape. Call it coercion. Call it manipulation. Call it misogyny. Call it sexism. Call it gaslighting. CALL 👏🏽 IT 👏🏽 WHAT 👏🏽 IT 👏🏽 IS 👏🏽 Stop watering down the crimes of men to ‘unacceptable behaviour.’

Quote

British Comedy Guide

@BritishComedy

Jun 27, 2020

Tez Ilyas has admitted "unacceptable behaviour" towards women, and been removed from the Live Comedy Association steering group. bit.ly/2BfRWb6

Feb 10, 2020

They said I had a face for radio and so here I am. 😌 I’ll be on

all week from 1:30-5pm every day. Get involved babes.

Aug 29, 2015

I've thrown myself all over my bed tonight to try and remember what sex feels like.