Neurotic Writer

@writerneuroses

I know your are about me. ~a parody account~

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Joined February 2015
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    25 Mar 2015

    Writers don't sleep; we rest our fingers. We don't dream; we traverse the landscapes of our novels. Mine's a zombie novel. Please send help.

    4 replies 167 retweets 354 likes
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  2. 14 hours ago

    Toxic person: *does toxic things* Me: *changes name of mean character in book to JANET for some totally random reason* Toxic person: *does more toxic things* Me: Uhoh this JANET character in my book is suddenly in grave danger right now I have no idea how this ha—oh whoops. Welp.

    2 retweets 19 likes
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  3. Retweeted
    Jun 29

    My thought process this morning: All right, I guess I should get started on revis—wait. I FINISHED. I can do ANYTHING. I have time! I can read a whole book! I can knit! I can watch shows! I can sketch! *looks at surroundings* Oh. I need clean the house. I’m really tired. *naps*

    1 reply 1 retweet 16 likes
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  4. Jun 21

    Me: OKAY, WOOHOO, YAY, I’M FINALLY READY TO FOCUS & GET BACK TO WRITING! Cat:

    1 reply 20 retweets 92 likes
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  5. Jun 14

    Head's up! I'm going on a Twitter break* because I'm just so busy with these revisions,** you know? . *not liking anyone's tweets for a day or two **pretending not to be here because I'm supposed to be revising

    5 retweets 37 likes
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  6. Jun 13

    People: "What can I do to help you while you're on deadline?" Me: "Shh." People: "That's rude. I just want to know how I can help, so how can I help?" Me: "Shh." People: "But--" Me: "Shh." People: "How--" Me: "Shh." People: "Can I--" Me: "SHH" People: "Help???" Me: "SHHHHHHH."

    6 retweets 33 likes
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  7. Jun 13

    Me: I'm going to write the next chapter today! Also me: *spends all day fiddling around with the previous chapter instead. Again.*

    1 reply 17 retweets 71 likes
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  8. Jun 12

    Ok. The kids have finally gone to bed. The house is quiet. I will write now. Right now. I will write right now. It's so nice and quiet. Perfect for writing. Which I will do right now. It's so nice. So nice and . . . quiet. I. . . .

    7 retweets 32 likes
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  9. Jun 11

    Weekend's over, wow so restful, okay time to get back to work writing this nov--*snorting sounds* *more snorting sounds* Heh Heheh Ahhhhhhhahahahahahahaha! *giggle* *tear-swipe* *long drawn out wheeze-sigh* . . . Writers don't have "weekends."

    16 likes
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  10. Jun 10

    *turns out light* Brain: IT IS TIME. Me: To sleep?" Brain: NO. IT IS TIME TO FIX THAT ONE PARAGRAPH. I FIGURED IT OUT. Me: Ok, great! In the morning though. Brain: NO. FIX IT NOW. Me: Then we can sleep? Brain: YES. *opens doc on phone* Brain: nm I forgot. let's check twitter

    38 retweets 100 likes
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  11. Retweeted
    Jun 9

    I started writing a blog post about tools to help combat distraction and procrastination . . . but I got distracted by the internet and now I'm procrastinating on getting back to it.

    1 retweet 16 likes
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  12. Jun 8

    (Yesterday) Me: Come on brain, get in gear. Gotta get in our words for the day. Brain: *sighs* I don’t wanna. Me: Too bad. Gotta get ‘em done. Brain: Fiiiiiiiine. (Today) Me: Great job yesterday, brain! We’re ahead of schedule! Let’s relax today. I’m tir— Brain: NO.

    6 retweets 24 likes
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  13. Jun 7

    Me writing a novel: "My heart fluttered in my chest. I could hardly bear it. 'This might just be the end of me,' I thought." vs. Me writing a tweet: "OMG DED." *inserts gif*

    17 retweets 64 likes
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  14. Jun 7

    I'm sooo sleeeeepy. *yawns* Gonna need a LOT of coffee in order to get started writing today. *30 minutes and several coffees later* I WOULD WRITE BUT I CAN'T SIT DOWN WHY DOES THE COLOR BLUE FEEL LIKE IT'S SCREAMING AT ME I SHOULD DUST THE CEILING

    17 retweets 66 likes
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  15. Retweeted
    6 Jun 2017

    When I write, I open up old wounds, then stitch them together with paper & ink. This is true literature. Also I have gangrene. It's gross.

    27 retweets 74 likes
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  16. Jun 5

    Me: “I have so much energy today! I’m going to revise so many words!” Also me: *procrasticleans all the energy away* *naps*

    4 replies 17 retweets 50 likes
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  17. Retweeted
    May 5

    I tried to trademark the word Neurotic, but then I realized it wouldn’t be fair to authors who need a word to describe authors who trademark common descriptive words.

    19 retweets 81 likes
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  18. May 8

    I read that Pixar says the best endings aren’t purely happy, but bittersweet. The hero must get what they want, then discover that’s not what they really needed. *hands MC a bag of chocolate chips* *MC eats entire bag* *MC pukes* *MC feels better* THE END

    1 retweet 13 likes
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  19. Retweeted
    17 Oct 2016

    It's actually okay to have a prologue if you print it on recycled paper. Otherwise it's technically anti-log. Thanks, I'll be here all night

    1 reply 15 retweets 44 likes
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  20. May 5

    I tried to trademark the word Neurotic, but then I realized it wouldn’t be fair to authors who need a word to describe authors who trademark common descriptive words.

    19 retweets 81 likes
    Undo
  21. May 2

    Me every afternoon: "I just need a break. I'll get more writing done after dinner. It'll be great. Nice and quiet. No distractions. I'll get so much done." Me every evening:

    17 retweets 64 likes
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