alyssa.

@woodmanalyssa_

quit fakin' and get skatin'

Vrijeme pridruživanja: kolovoz 2012.

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  1. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    11. sij

    *sending an email* haha take that you absolute mother fucker *receiving an email* ah shit! fuck! what the fuck!!!!!!!! shit!

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    you’re telling me rack city came out 9 years ago? 2011 was NINE years ago? oh my god

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    i never told my mom this but one time i threw a party in high school and someone peed in the cat's litter box so when she got back there was a giant petrified human piss brick and she cried while taking the cat to the vet all while i watched and said nothing to avoid being caught

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    20. pro 2019.

    What the fuck is going on at The View

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    How actors in movies eat their food

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    24. lis 2019.

    [halloween party] my friends: haha look outside the window! someone came dressed as the duolingo owl lmao . super realistic costume too me, a week behind on my norwegian course: oh god no. lock the fucking doors

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    is there rehab for gossiping? i don’t need it but I’ll tell you who does...

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    16. lis 2019.

    When I saw Oprah interview Michelle Obama, Oprah asked how Michelle got over feeling intimidated sitting at big tables filled with smart, powerful men and Michelle said, “You realize pretty quickly that a lot of them aren’t that smart.” I think about that quote every single day.

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    8. ruj 2019.

    this is literally how birthday cake works

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    unless you have food allergies or dietary restrictions, I really hate picky eaters. oh vegetables are gwoss? aw wittle baby cant eat cawwots cuz they want chicken nuggets? grow up, eat a fig.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. kol 2019.

    my girlfriend just tried to tell me that drury lane is where the gingerbread man lives. no. that is where the muffin man lives. the gingerbread man, as we all know, has no fixed residence

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    26. kol 2019.

    reflecting, as i often am, upon this baba yaga table and the old ladies who review it

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Trump talking about his favorite Bible verse is absolutely the best comedy on the planet. You could spend your life trying to find a funnier bit and you’d die a failure.

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    avril lavigne was right.............WHAT the hell......

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. kol 2019.

    Hey can I clean my glasses on your shirt? Mine is tucked in

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    16. kol 2019.

    Puppies are cute, kittens too. But have you seen juvenile bobtail squid?!

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    16. kol 2019.

    TikTok is okay pt. 2

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