Gret¢hen

@wokkax3

Inventor of the Thermos Edison and the Bathtub Gargoyle

Vrijeme pridruživanja: srpanj 2010.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    24. srp 2017.

    Founding member of Golden Girls fan club, Blanche Davidians

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    Capitalism promised me that if I was busy enough I wouldn’t have time to experience my emotions and I feel betrayed

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 13 sati

    Due to being horrible my whole life you'd think I would have built up an immunity to criticism but nope

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 15 sati

    “We need three references” oh you mean snitches

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Bernie’s worst supporters will never cause me not to like him, but they have definitely killed any enthusiasm I might have had for trying to be more involved. And I am confident that they repel more ppl than they attract. I just don’t understand the strategy.

    Prikaži ovu nit
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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    Regret rattling around all night, like a chair left out on the porch in the wind, just as unoccupied and just as loud.

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. velj

    I awake once again on the alien ship, and the creatures ask me what I was dreaming about. “Owls,” I reply. They touch their heads together for a moment and one of them asks me, “Again?” And I say “Yes owls. It’s always owls.” They want a different answer but it’s always the same.

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. velj

    My 9 year old son Thudd saw Pelosi tear up that paper and he hasn’t stopped shaking since; he keeps asking “But what of tradition and decorum, Father?” between sobs.

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  9. 5. velj

    If you have recently used my shower and left your body hair in my (definitely artisanal) bar soap, please come retrieve it.

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    How are shirts allowed to call themselves unisex if they don’t make space for boobs? Just call it what it is: a fucken men’s shirt. This makes me flip tables daily.

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  11. 5. velj

    I think I have a UTI and for some reason ppl at work don’t want to discuss it with me?

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    taught myself to unhook a bra with one hand at thirteen years old on a mannequin i found in the dumpster behind the woodbridge mall and i’ve used that skill much more than i’ve ever used algebra so who’s the creepy idiot now dad

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    patron saint of bewildered onlookers

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    *me getting out of the shower to see if I still look like a potato...😫

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    It's nice hearing someone else described as "not viable" for a change.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    At one Des Moines precinct tonight, an attendee brought in a concealed bottle of wine, dropped it, and it shattered everywhere

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  17. 4. velj

    Been hanging out with a guy who does woodworking and I’d never heard the term chamfer before today but now I have heard it 90 times in the last two minutes

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj
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  19. 3. velj

    Ditched work to fuck around in a park

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj
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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj
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