Sarah LaSlam

Michael: *ogling my pimple* Me: MY EYES ARE UP HERE

Who needs horror films when you can just read the safety booklet that comes with an electric blanket?

Empanadas de humita for Argentina day. #25mayo #empanadas #humita https://www.instagram.com/p/BGVmzd1Mmaj/ 

The most disappointing moment in adulthood is acknowledging thay something can be unhealthy despite technically being a salad. #adultlife

. @MurphyMcLachlan you should start a podcast about Full House called Have Murphy. Michael and I agree!

Please help, Michael's broken. https://www.instagram.com/p/BGNmUAzMmYr/ 

This little mate was in the car when I got picked up tonight. He sat in my hand for the whole… https://www.instagram.com/p/BGMOCi3smbY/ 

Sometimes, just sometimes, single denim is more courageous than double denim. https://www.instagram.com/p/BGHIgcZMmWh/ 

Just finished @jonronson 's So You've Been Publicly Shamed. V. apropos with people piling on the poor mother of the Cinci zoo boy. Be kind.

sippin on gin and juice... ....cranberry juice.... ............i have a UTI #justgirlythings

me, driving: *brakes suddenly* *flings arm out to brace bag of takeaway like it is my child*

That awkward moment when the set dressers use the show to push their pro-crow agenda. #Ilovecrows https://www.instagram.com/p/BGA7z95smdH/ 

Can't wait to have a child so I can willfully not tell people its length and weight.

If decades had slogans the 80s' would be: "The 80s: When Babies Were Called Michelle" #the80s

me: *eats whole family size box of cereal in one sitting* *spewing crumbs* MORE LIKE FAMILY OF ONE *looks around at empty house, weeps*

If Alice Through The Looking Glass is anything like its Crossy Road level, I am not going to enjoy it. #AliceThroughTheLookingGlass #disney

I'm changing my name. #GoT #doodle #officelife https://www.instagram.com/p/BFxbOa-MmV_/ 

#Currentmood: taking off bra and finding a blue Fruity Pebble stuck to boob.