kyla

@whatkyIasaid

you wouldn’t want to arm me if you knew how irritated I get when students submit essays in Comic Sans

south fl
Joined February 2010

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    20 Oct 2016

    Oedipus. Tremendous leader. The best. I've always said that if Jocasta were my mother, perhaps I'd be dating her.

    Undo
  2. Jan 3

    years ago I heard this woman say that instead of sloppy joes she makes “tidy Josephs” for her son and I want to know if he ended up joining Al Qaeda

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  3. Jan 2

    my dog insists on being held like a human infant, which is high-maintenance considering he’d 100% lick a burglar and bring him tennis balls

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  4. Jan 2

    It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times

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  5. Jan 1

    now he hates me AND his mom

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  6. Retweeted
    Jan 1
    Replying to

    the fact that you can type “known for big, dumb mouth” without a modicum of irony is your most impressive feat to date

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  7. Retweeted
    Dec 31
    Replying to

    “some things NEVER get better and NEVER change” is the most self-aware statement you’ve ever tweeted

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  8. Dec 31
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  9. Retweeted
    31 Dec 2018

    Idk if I should set my New Years revelations because I know they wont be accomplished lmao

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  10. Retweeted
    31 Dec 2018

    My New Years revolution is to actually do the previous New Years revolutions and stick to it

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  11. 31 Dec 2018

    Me: Punctuate sentences and avoid double negatives in formal essays. My students:

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  12. 30 Dec 2018

    Louis CK is one leaked audio away from a position on Trump’s cabinet.

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  13. 29 Dec 2018

    Mike Beltran is still yelling about fingers

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  14. 29 Dec 2018

    I just burned so many calories watching Nunes KO Cyborg that I now weigh 18 lbs.

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  15. Retweeted
    29 Dec 2018

    I’ll tutor you for the price of a tanning session

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  16. Retweeted
    29 Dec 2018
    Replying to

    Lincoln: “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” Roosevelt: “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” Trump: “Democrats are murderers.”

    Undo
  17. 29 Dec 2018

    so that’s like 4.5 billion people right

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  18. Retweeted
    27 Dec 2018
    Replying to

    only you would put an apostrophe in “Democrats” and then call other people stupid

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  19. 27 Dec 2018

    Cashier: Merry Christmas! Kaitlin Bennett: um don’t you mean MERRY CHRISTMAS Cashier: That’s literally what I s— Kaitlin Bennett: GUNS

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  20. 26 Dec 2018

    at least she didn’t tell a 7-year-old that Father Christmas isn’t real or shut down Parliament

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  21. 25 Dec 2018

    The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a Christmas movie.

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