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Oedipus. Tremendous leader. The best. I've always said that if Jocasta were my mother, perhaps I'd be dating her.
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years ago I heard this woman say that instead of sloppy joes she makes “tidy Josephs” for her son and I want to know if he ended up joining Al Qaeda
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my dog insists on being held like a human infant, which is high-maintenance considering he’d 100% lick a burglar and bring him tennis ballspic.twitter.com/Rps0xkvIGd
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It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times
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kyla Retweeted
the fact that you can type “known for big, dumb mouth” without a modicum of irony is your most impressive feat to date
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kyla Retweeted
“some things NEVER get better and NEVER change” is the most self-aware statement you’ve ever tweeted
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people who say “Happy New Years”https://twitter.com/Jake_Vig/status/1079891795755061248 …
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kyla Retweeted
Idk if I should set my New Years revelations because I know they wont be accomplished lmao
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kyla Retweeted
My New Years revolution is to actually do the previous New Years revolutions and stick to it
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Me: Punctuate sentences and avoid double negatives in formal essays. My students:https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/1079832281961746432 …
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Louis CK is one leaked audio away from a position on Trump’s cabinet.
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Mike Beltran is still yelling about fingers
#UFC232Thanks. Twitter will use this info to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
I just burned so many calories watching Nunes KO Cyborg that I now weigh 18 lbs.
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kyla RetweetedThanks. Twitter will use this info to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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kyla Retweeted
Lincoln: “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” Roosevelt: “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” Trump: “Democrats are murderers.”
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so that’s like 4.5 billion people righthttps://twitter.com/netflixfilm/status/1078735051406204928 …
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kyla Retweeted
only you would put an apostrophe in “Democrats” and then call other people stupid
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Cashier: Merry Christmas! Kaitlin Bennett: um don’t you mean MERRY CHRISTMAS Cashier: That’s literally what I s— Kaitlin Bennett: GUNS
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at least she didn’t tell a 7-year-old that Father Christmas isn’t real or shut down Parliamenthttps://twitter.com/DailyMirror/status/1077659754275749888 …
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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a Christmas movie.
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