Jake WeismanVerified account

@weismanjake

Comedian, Diva - Hampton DeVille coming to Comedy Central in 2017

womencomedy.com
Joined October 2009
664 Photos and videos Photos and videos

Tweets

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    Jan 17

    Your pinned tweet sucks

    244 retweets 1,133 likes
  2. 4 hours ago

    I can't believe I wasn't invited to any Halloween parties I would rather die than go to

    26 retweets 113 likes
  3. 7 hours ago

    Truly jealous of Anthony Weiner that his dick is powerful enough to possibly change American history

    22 retweets 157 likes
  4. 31 Oct 2013

    For Halloween this year I'm gonna be and just walk around all night with my fucking head up my ass.

    4 retweets 39 likes
  5. 31 Oct 2015

    If you get sad seeing couples dressing up together for Halloween, try to remember they will most likely break up soon and want to die

    35 retweets 149 likes
  6. Oct 23

    The height of privilege is stressing about Halloween

    81 retweets 348 likes
  7. Oct 29

    You're welcome, Internet

    13 retweets 68 likes
  8. Oct 29

    If you dress up as me for Halloween I will pay you one hundred thousand dollars

    7 retweets 67 likes
  9. Oct 29

    You're welcome, Internet

    13 retweets 68 likes
  10. Oct 28

    This whole email bullshit is just proof that Hillary is great. She is a grandma who can send emails. That's beyond rare.

    31 retweets 195 likes
  11. Oct 27

    Considering my personality I feel like I am forgetting some intense constant trauma I went through as a child

    46 retweets 230 likes
  12. Oct 27

    Do you think Trump knows about the clit

    24 retweets 152 likes
  13. Oct 27

    At the end of this election I think we are going to find out we have been dead the whole time

    29 retweets 117 likes
  14. Oct 26

    Question for chill people: how do you do that

    92 retweets 209 likes
  15. 22 May 2013

    My cat just walked by me carrying a toy mouse I don't remember buying her. Women be shoppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    342 retweets 1,306 likes
  16. Oct 26

    I'm thrilled stood up to Newt Gingrich but let's talk about how her children have the whitest names of all time

    19 retweets 224 likes
  17. Oct 25

    I will suck your cock so you can't get into heaven

    The New Yorker endorsed HRC. In related stories, Wimpy endorsed hamburgers, Dracula endorsed blood banks, and ticks endorsed Lyme disease.
    100 retweets 802 likes
  18. Oct 25

    "Looks like you need 9,999 more hours of fucking" -Something to say to Malcolm Gladwell if he is bad at having sex with you

    20 retweets 164 likes
  19. Oct 25

    If Trump wins the election I will kill myself. Please vote for Hillary to save my precious life.

    15 retweets 168 likes
  20. Oct 24

    Hello America go see this guy tell jokes also vote for Hillary Clinton thanks

    Hey! At the end of the year I'm going on the road a bunch, and I'd love for you to come see me. I'm calling it The Sweater Weather Tour!
    5 retweets 42 likes
  21. Oct 24

    If you are in love for the first time just know that what you are feeling isn't reality and also life will never get better than right now

    62 retweets 287 likes

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