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IMO, extreme risk aversion (probably prompted by very salient edge cases) has swung the Overton window right off its hinges when it comes to thinking about the sort of challenges and risks that are acceptable for children at different developmental stages.
Re: a 12-year-old flying unsupervised (from security to the gate/plane & back): what's the fear? That she'll actually be hurt? That she'll make poor decisions, e.g. buying candy for lunch or not doing homework? That she'll get scared/overwhelmed?
It's *really* important that we nail these goal posts down, because as long as we're using "kids can't be put in danger" to defend *actually* sheltering them from any discomfort or bad decision-making, we can't have a real conversation about whether that might be hobbling them.
Having spent my childhood in both the US and Germany, I can tell you that even as a nine-year-old, I could definitely feel that difference in cultural risk aversion
All in all, two years ago when I did send a 12yo to visit her sister halfway across the country, Southwest seemed to regard this as no big deal, just a normal thing to do. I assumed it was. I did go to the gate with her, b/c I figured she'd prefer company. But no big deal.
I took my first cross country flight at 12. Nearly missed my gate change because of too much time at a gift shop - but hey, adventure!
Southwest is easy to work (more so than other airlines) with in terms of getting a gate pass if you DO want to accompany your solo-flying 12yo to the gate (which I know because we have done this). I didn't worry about her safety, but she was worried about doing security alone.
But yes, not having to do the whole unaccompanied-minor rigamarole for a kid I was sending to spend a week with her adult sister halfway across the country . . . it was great, and easy. We don't fly much, which is why I even thought to accompany her thru security, but it was easy
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