So, the other negative thing about being dishonest about attraction that I just realized is bugging me (didn't know where to post in myriad of threads...) A ton of guys have a lot of trouble telling when a girl is in to them. This practice of lying makes them LESS calibrated...
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I've seen this failure mode *a lot* in hippies. I knew a few people who would interpret indirectness as a sign of dishonesty and get weirdly judgemental about it, rather than actually working to make the person comfortable enough to be direct.
Also seems to come up around poly/preference stuff more generally in those circles. There's a (maybe not so fine) line between asking someone to examine their feelings and just straight-up bullying them for not being able to draw an elegant logic around the way they feel
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Oh and what do they do if you articulate a coherent logic? They try to out-logic you and find holes in it. "See? This is why you should TOTALLY not feel the way you do, and instead feel the way i want you to do. QED."
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Welp, eventually you figure out that there's a "right" answer — because it was always about compelling or permitting some specific thing and never about figuring out the optimal tradeoffs. Your feelings and your self-understanding are weighed against their utility for that.
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