I don't think a first date is generally a situation where intimacy is in play. The stakes are supposed to be low. I see no reason to drive them higher. I can appreciate valuing honesty over harm reduction, but this is definitely not what most people in this situation want.
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Intimacy is always in play. From the very first message on a dating app. I think the question of what people want is an empirical question. I'll run a poll.
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Replying to @mattgoldenberg @webdevMason and
DM me your insecurities Retweeted DM me your insecurities
DM me your insecurities added,
DM me your insecurities @mattgoldenbergYou're on a date with someone. They're not feeling it and want to end the date early. They should... A. Pretend their friend has an emergency, reject me later when I ask for a second date. B. Let me know they're not feeling chemistry, in a gentle way during the date.Show this thread2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes -
Do you not notice you set that up? In condition A, it's "rejecting." In condition B, it's "letting them know... in a gentle way."
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Replying to @webdevMason @mattgoldenberg and
And nobody said anything about an emergency except you.
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How else could you make an excuse that you need to help a friend in the middle of the date unless it's an emergency? Would be totally rude if it wasn't.
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It's a first date. You're not friends or confidantes. You can just say "sorry, something important has come up and I have to go."
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I mean, I would call that having making up an emergency?
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Replying to @michael_nielsen @webdevMason and
YMMV? This is more brutal to me that the person lied, especially if I liked them. Have the glow of a good date only to be let known it was bad.
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Just say so at the beginning of the date. I imagine the typical person will be very happy to give you what you're asking for.
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Replying to @webdevMason @michael_nielsen and
I do do this. I also don't think you can assume that most people want the other thing. At least the early poll results are suprisingly skewed the other way (I though it would be like 60/40 that way).
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Replying to @mattgoldenberg @michael_nielsen and
It's not surprising. You set the poll up to get the results you wanted, and it's working.
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