Mason  🏃‍♂️ ✂️

Jesus Christ. I'm suggesting that it's not that terrible to leave early on an excuse and then decline a second date via phone or text. It's not something everyone wants to hear in public, when they feel they have to manage their reaction. Wtf are you talking about?

I mean, that's certainly a valid point. Here's another: If you have something hard to say to someone, you owe it to them to say it to them in person. You certainly owe it to them to not lie to them, the tell the truth when they can't really respond.

Why do you owe it to them to say it in person? I'm not sure I agree here Lotta assumptions in that that may not be true

You're right that it's highly contextual. There's very few contexts where I imagine lying to the person is the right move. I'd suggest that it's more about sparing yourself dealing with their feelings (which will be the same regardless) then it is about sparing them having it.

Which you're right, maybe you don't owe them dealing with their feelings.

This for me relate back to the point about intimacy. When I go on a date with someone, I'm acceptong the responsibility for potentially hurting their feelings. Part of that responsibility is letting myself be open to experiencing that hurt instead of shying away from it.

I don't think a first date is generally a situation where intimacy is in play. The stakes are supposed to be low. I see no reason to drive them higher. I can appreciate valuing honesty over harm reduction, but this is definitely not what most people in this situation want.

Intimacy is always in play. From the very first message on a dating app. I think the question of what people want is an empirical question. I'll run a poll.