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I want to point out that while this puts a lot of torment on men, it creates a subtle responsibility for women, who are supposed to decide what they want and then somehow communicate that to men. Meanwhile, the societal playbook says "it's NOTHIN'! you don't need no man grrrrl"
This might sound reductive, but seriously: a *lot* of men just want someone soft and pretty to be nice to them and ask them for things they are capable of providing. And a *lot* of women think they *need* to actively cultivate toughness, distance and total self-sufficiency
Given sufficient intimacy and demonstrated caring, an especially awesome woman can not only get an endless supply of support for her own stuff but also consistently level up her man by being so confident that he already is what she needs that he moves mountains to give it to her
You always know it when you meet couples like this. They're not just happy, they're almost scary productive
The guy's end of the deal is viscerally trusting his woman and her judgment enough to believe that she wouldn't ask for or push for him to be anything other than what he is capable of. Which means being vulnerable enough to show her what she's working with
Yeah, I'm being unclear here. Stable people, men *and* women, have enough going on in their own lives that they have no interest in puppeteering their partner's, too. They just totally get off on seeing their mate act on the bleeding edge of competencehttps://twitter.com/lumiferrous/status/1217948629496934400?s=21 …
My point is that you need intimacy + trust before you can nurture competence; otherwise, insecurity generates threat. You've probably met at least one couple where one or both people were suppressing the other's competence for fear of "not being good enough" for a strong partner
Girl standards for "pretty" are actually way higher than boy standards, and there's literally empirical evidence for this. It's crazeballs
men only want one thing and it’s tender affirmation
I’m 38, and I’m not sure I’ve ever dated someone who wasn’t deliberately cruel from time to time to maintain that distance. It’s part of why being alone has seemed a better option than trying not to be for so long.
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