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I swear to god I'm not going trad, but the more I think about it the dumber it seems to encourage young people to do some serial monogamy before partnering up — like people whose only practice is in explicitly disposable relationships would be any better at the real deal
Anecdotally, the #1 problem I see in high-caliber dating circles is a toxic tendency to wonder if one's current partner is the "best" they "can do." Shitty people retort that this is wrong because people should "settle," but that's just the flipside of the same bad pattern
I can tell you this with pretty high confidence: if "is this person the best I can do?" is a recurring thought after more than a couple months of serious dating, you're probably better off leaving now. There will never be a way to get your answer, and the question is poisonous
Part of the problem is that people don't know what do with each other. They're not supposed to be "codependent," whatever that means, and kids are no longer a given; a lot of couples just don't really know their *why,* beyond abating the lonelinesshttps://twitter.com/centralunplan/status/1180683888059965441?s=21 …
It's actually a hard problem to figure out what to do with each other if you've got two entirely independent career paths, no interest in building the same thing or compatible things, no desire for kids, etc. Which is why I think "codependence" is a bad meme, especially now
If it seems like the cultural climate encourages more entanglements with a serious business partner than a serious romantic partner, that seems... pretty problematic. But if relationships are more about consumption than production, it's hard to make the case against optionality
I am always surprised at when I express the concept of "relationships are a choice you make" how many people just havent really considered it, let alone disagree. It seems an obviously potent framework
I like this idea (I think "X is a choice you make" is a good framework for a lot of things) but I'm surprised that anyone would disagree... do they think relationships are just something that happens to them?
“Always be unsatisfied and look to trade up” is great work advice but a recipe for misery & alienation in personal & family relationships.
I’m still thinking about what an Indian man said to me 15 years ago about why he wanted an arranged marriage for his son. “Americans think love is like a whopper: ‘have it your way’. ‘I’d like this sort of person, but without the pickles’” 1/*
And then (in a less glib and memorable way that I don’t recall the exact wording of) he made a case that love can be built between two roughly compatible people who accept each other, but not people who are continually evaluating one another. 2/*
Yikes, does this even need to be said? Narcissists deserve each other. What are sources of authentic love & sacrifice in the values diet of white-collar 20-somethings nowadays?
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