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I swear to god I'm not going trad, but the more I think about it the dumber it seems to encourage young people to do some serial monogamy before partnering up — like people whose only practice is in explicitly disposable relationships would be any better at the real deal
Anecdotally, the #1 problem I see in high-caliber dating circles is a toxic tendency to wonder if one's current partner is the "best" they "can do." Shitty people retort that this is wrong because people should "settle," but that's just the flipside of the same bad pattern
I can tell you this with pretty high confidence: if "is this person the best I can do?" is a recurring thought after more than a couple months of serious dating, you're probably better off leaving now. There will never be a way to get your answer, and the question is poisonous
Part of the problem is that people don't know what do with each other. They're not supposed to be "codependent," whatever that means, and kids are no longer a given; a lot of couples just don't really know their *why,* beyond abating the lonelinesshttps://twitter.com/centralunplan/status/1180683888059965441?s=21 …
It's actually a hard problem to figure out what to do with each other if you've got two entirely independent career paths, no interest in building the same thing or compatible things, no desire for kids, etc. Which is why I think "codependence" is a bad meme, especially now
If it seems like the cultural climate encourages more entanglements with a serious business partner than a serious romantic partner, that seems... pretty problematic. But if relationships are more about consumption than production, it's hard to make the case against optionality
They're not explicitly disposable, just as a practical matter they are because everybody's awful when they're young and our relationships are all almost all doomed to failure until we're more mature.
Except that this isn't really borne out in the data
Confused about the position you’re taking, but having been both a serial monogamist (5yrs longest ) and casual dater of pretty high caliber people.. both are really useful? Serious relationships teach you so much about even just physical intimacy ( like smells and sleep patterns)
And flings show you what there is and what you can have! (Like do you want someone who gives emotionally instead of negotiates) aren’t both the goal untill you know what you’re looking for?
I agree in rejecting the "practice" lens... but I do think that it's fine to encourage people to date ~however they want~ if they don't yet know enough about their future life goals to make any commitments.
I think "don't know enough about future life goals to make commitments" is a bad frame
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