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My extremely basic take is that no, it is not good to abuse children a lil bit.
"In life, we’re going to have to deal with all kinds of people, and children need to know that." No, actually. You don't have to keep dating Vaguely Abusive Boyfriend. You don't have to keep working for Pushy Boss. And you don't have to train your kids to be doormats.
In life, you get to choose who and what you'll put up with for your own reasons. I suspect that a lot of people feel trapped with jerks because when they were children, we trapped them with jerks and gave them the idea that this was somehow the right thing to do.
This parent watched a teacher repeatedly call her child a terrible person, in front of her, even *after* he'd burst into tears, and promptly removed him from the situation because Holy. Fucking. Shit. WSJ: "Well, that may be a bit extreme. What message are you sending?"pic.twitter.com/O6SVEEGWhO
FWIW, the school I observed at for a full year had *extremely* high behavioral expectations for the kids. But everyone on staff went to great pains to indicate that they thought those kids, each & every one, were already great and capable of further greatness. Because it's true.
And still, those kids struggled, and they felt pain, and they encountered challenges that caused them to fight between hesitancy and action. Because that's the battle for all of us, and we don't need to be unloved to learn how to fight it.
Right. The lesson kids need to learn isn’t that sometimes you HAVE to deal with people you hate (because that’s not true). But that you need to be able to evaluate whether doing so for a time is worth it in pursuit of some other ends.
I respect your opinion, but I think the point is rather that children need to learn metaskills - like how to approach problems by themselves. Parent's role as I see it is to keep problems faced by the child within the zone of proximal development, ie manageable but challenging
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