We've become the saddest sort of hedonist culture, the kind that develops because caring about anything else in any way that elevates you as an individual designates you prey for the crowd's hungry maw
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I think you know something is wrong when the most you can do is carry a mass-print sign somebody else handed you while chanting a slogan somebody else is shouting through a megaphone. But you're a good cog, and you can't quite put a name to the miasma gnawing on you
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It's not many generations ago that we were basically a loose-knit nation of criminally independent scofflaws. Now those people are nutcases we laugh at while our children hang themselves in their closets and we fantasize about the ~10 years we'll get between retirement & death
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A puzzle that irked me when I was younger: why do people kill themselves? Why don't they run away? Show up in a new town with a new identity? Rob a bank? Try heroin? Shouldn't anything be on the table? I didn't understand that if they still had any such spark, they could live
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This reflects a larger confusion, btw: that maybe more money (rob a bank) or euphoric brain chemistry (heroin) would help. Maybe they would, for some. But I now think a sense of inescapable, universal personal impotence is the brainworm that's rotting most of us out
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