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visa is cleaning out his notes‏ @visakanv 17 Jul 2019

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I think the western concept of “dating” is *drumroll* outdatedpic.twitter.com/1S5PPASGOB

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visa is cleaning out his notes‏ @visakanv 17 Jul 2019

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visa is cleaning out his notes Retweeted 5'9

Caveats first: my first-hand experience is laughably limited as someone who married the first person who showed any romantic interest in me but I do collect tonnes of anecdotes from friends who are looking for dates and it just seems really grim to mehttps://twitter.com/priya_ebooks/status/1151440389879951360?s=21 …

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5'9 @priya_ebooks

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say more?

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visa is cleaning out his notes‏ @visakanv 17 Jul 2019

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More bias: I am extremely online and extremely public, so what “seems obvious” to me might be something that’s difficult or inaccessible to others. I believe almost anybody can benefit from some controlled dosage of my way of being, but again, maybe not, your mileage may vary

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visa is cleaning out his notes‏ @visakanv 17 Jul 2019

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Before even going into details - where did the current mainstream concept of dating come from? My theory is that many of us inherit an idea of it from pop culture, which in turn seems to me (pls correct me) to riff off of post-WW2 western/white norms. Guy asks girl out on datepic.twitter.com/OntJ8Yvf7T

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visa is cleaning out his notes‏ @visakanv 17 Jul 2019

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visa is cleaning out his notes Retweeted visa is cleaning out his notes

Pop culture, in turn, until very recently, has been heavily shaped by male perspectives, male writing, male fantasy. (I know, I know, I can never talk about just one thing without talking about everything else...)https://twitter.com/visakanv/status/896089241930706944?s=21 …

visa is cleaning out his notes added,

visa is cleaning out his notes @visakanv

As I get older and hear more about women's experiences, it gets clearer and clearer to me that movies and TV are dominated by male POV

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visa is cleaning out his notes‏ @visakanv 17 Jul 2019

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I believe that human beings are *as a species* extremely resilient and adaptable, and that human relationships *in aggregate* respond to systems of incentives. But most individuals tend to roughly do what they see everyone else around them doing, even if it’s no longer sensiblepic.twitter.com/QLevsQNbMm

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visa is cleaning out his notes‏ @visakanv 17 Jul 2019

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So okay, let’s go to first principles. We are fundamentally social creatures who need companions. The desire for pair-bonding seems extremely widespread (tho even this could be cultural to a degree we cannot appreciate... but let’s not go there rn ). Point is: we want partnerspic.twitter.com/XaOojkVrBq

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visa is cleaning out his notes‏ @visakanv 17 Jul 2019

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We want partners. (Partners for what? A range of things! Someone to share memes with. Someone to share intimate moments with, both physical and psychological. Different people actually have rather different sets of needs, but mainstream culture has a “standardizing” effect.)pic.twitter.com/a6uTDP74Rw

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visa is cleaning out his notes‏ @visakanv 17 Jul 2019

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So how do we find partners? To play with, to share burdens with, to be intimate with? I personally find this hilarious and sad: we literally go on job interviews. That’s what dates are, aren’t they, most of the time? Two people anxious to match each other’s criteriapic.twitter.com/roXzWcanKG

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Mason ‏ @webdevMason 17 Jul 2019

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Replying to @visakanv

Mason Retweeted Mason

https://mobile.twitter.com/webdevmason/status/909444799589056512 …

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Mason @webdevMason

The main difference between dating & interviewing is that a whiteboard actually makes the former *less* terrible. Maybe this is my problem

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4:22 AM - 17 Jul 2019

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