The fact that this happens is not a failure of SF Bay Area policies, it's a failure to price externalities. In fact, I'd argue that anecdotes like these suggest the problem is less with the Bay and more with California and America in general.
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Fly-in commuting is a lifestyle expense. Modesto has similar median home prices to Phoenix, shorter commute door to door, and a commute with far fewer unpriced externalities. Total expense in Santa Rosa probably matches Phoenix after $1.5k/mo in flights.
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I'm in no position to consider the long-run pros and cons of home ownership in Modesto vs. Phoenix, but I find it interesting that *you* think you are with regard to a specific family you have never met.

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Extreme comparisons can be illustrative. Perhaps take a chance and consider that I’m being sincere: why do you think as a society we should allow someone to spend 4 hours on a plane to afford a home if there’s an equivalent $300k house a mere 4 hour car ride away.
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