In other news, Gender Studies professors confirm that it's definitely not misgendering if they unilaterally decide that everyone is "they" now. I propose "postconsensual equitygendering" for the lexiconhttps://blogs.scientificamerican.com/voices/why-we-should-all-use-they-them-pronouns/ …
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_languages_by_type_of_grammatical_genders …
I think your definition of "happenstance" must be very different from mine. 
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The Yamnaya/Aryan people conquering most of the Eurasian continent was a pretty mondo piece of happenstance, admittedly. But happenstance it remains. IIRC Semitic languages are believed to have borrowed masc/fem gender from Hittite via Akkadian. Don’t quote me on this ;)
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If the Basques had domesticated the horse, we might be discussing how deep and obvious the animate/inanimate/sentient distinction is, and I might say “well, some Central Asian isolates have masculine and feminine pronouns for everything... weird right”
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