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IMO? Romantic appeal — like productivity & mental health — was murdered in the hack chop shop. People try to duct tape fifty This One Simple Tricks together into a coherent vision of a human who can be desired, if not loved. That way lies self-loathing and, ultimately, resentment
For my part, I think women broadly want men who really, really want something out of life, who know precisely what that thing is, and who are actively pursuing it ***in the way that people pursue things they ACTUALLY want, rather than pretend to want.***
That's an interesting (and important!) distinction...how do you think the difference is materialized?
At its most extreme, this is the "reality distortion field" — the social reality that emerges when someone is already living in the world where getting what they want is just assumed, and they're doing it so fully & believably that everyone around them starts living there, too
Is that what all those bios mean by "adventures"?
Reminds me of the @KatjaGrace article from a few years ago about different ways we use the word "want"https://meteuphoric.com/2017/01/09/want-like-want-want/ …
Thanks, that felt like something I really needed to read and learn from.
What’s your theory on why women want this?
Knowing precisely what the thing is, and navigating how to effectively pursue said thing is, for some -- for the creatives, especially -- a process so perilous and fraught and... shifting, actually, that I despair of it being held up as a measure of value.
Women want a protector, provider, and pleasure giver. They also want a man with ambition, confidence, and competence.
So I think there's a strong correlation with this, but not causation. The type of men who can actively pursue things (and believe they can actually achieve them) have to be unusually optimistic and confident. So the confidence is attractive, and optimism is at least caused by it.
Do you think what they're pursuing has to also be high status or does that not matter? I suspect it's too broad a question unless broken down into what women generally want at a certain age and what their status is. @juliagalef and @sentientist talk about this in rs pod #216.
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