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IMO? Romantic appeal — like productivity & mental health — was murdered in the hack chop shop. People try to duct tape fifty This One Simple Tricks together into a coherent vision of a human who can be desired, if not loved. That way lies self-loathing and, ultimately, resentment
For my part, I think women broadly want men who really, really want something out of life, who know precisely what that thing is, and who are actively pursuing it ***in the way that people pursue things they ACTUALLY want, rather than pretend to want.***
That's an interesting (and important!) distinction...how do you think the difference is materialized?
At its most extreme, this is the "reality distortion field" — the social reality that emerges when someone is already living in the world where getting what they want is just assumed, and they're doing it so fully & believably that everyone around them starts living there, too
I think there must be more and less to it than that, or there would be a *lot* more women pursuing me. I mean, the quantity has not been zero especially considering how little work I put into romance instead of the Thing, but on your theory-as-phrased it should've been higher.
I think that could be attributable to women being much less likely to actively pursue men they are attracted to than the other way around
Reminds me of the @KatjaGrace article from a few years ago about different ways we use the word "want"https://meteuphoric.com/2017/01/09/want-like-want-want/ …
Thanks, that felt like something I really needed to read and learn from.
Is that what all those bios mean by "adventures"?
What’s your theory on why women want this?
I think this is right. My answer would have been: "Men who know who they are and what they value."
That seems like a lot of work. It’s much easier just to be really good looking.
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