They also say it’s unhealthy to “bottle up emotions.” I see double-binds like this all over the place, & afaict the net result is that “emotional health” is an arbitrarily flexible concept to be deployed against neurotic people who are functional but bothersomehttps://twitter.com/bretmette/status/1104980344716095489 …
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Anecdotal but… I used to “bottle up my emotions” to avoid drama/conflict, likely in reaction to some intemperate, violent, manipulative family members. My future spouse helped me to be honest about and talk through my emotions. Result: improved relationships, if not individuals.
It’s certainly true that different strategies are more or less helpful in different social contexts, and people are often slow to recognize which of their behaviors are adapted to features of an environment that no longer exists
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“Behaviors adapted to … an environment that no longer exists” is a VERY interesting phrase. I hadn’t considered that past behaviors, which I now consider flawed, may have been the best choice at the time given environmental constraints.
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There’s a phenomenon in clinical practice
@jordanbpeterson talks about: manipulative families sometimes single out & scapegoat one child, then use his “bad” coping strategies to justify it. Clinicians who don’t make strong efforts to see the whole fam system can further enable it
End of conversation
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