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While I think the trend toward delayed parenthood is a big problem & maternal age is the best indicator for that, this is not a lady problem. I don’t even think this mess has much to do w feminism or tinder. Cultural pessimism, memes about parents + deranged norms do the trick
A lot of people who feel any desire at all to be parents have so internalized the idea that it is both boring & all-consuming that they cannot imagine going for it until they’re already bored & feeling somewhat directionless re: everything else in life
Idk I was a nanny for two perfect boys (8 and 11) for a summer. We did only fun things. At the end of each day I still sat in the shower for 30 min thanking for the moment that no one could touch me. If you do it right, it is all consuming. Best and hardest job I’ve ever had.
“If you do it right, it is all consuming” I think this is one of the most pernicious & harmful parenting myths — any possible version of “doing it right” does not involve a daily “thank god that’s over” ritual
It’s been years since I had a chance to say “LOOK WHAT I CAN DO” & this cannot stand
I think a huge part of it is the desire to "do it right" plus the sense of insecurity people feel. We all want to make sure we have the resources necessary, and student loan debt makes that very hard. Financial insecurity is a main driver of low fertility (~1.4) in Bulgaria too.
Yep — “doing it right” is at the center of all of these deranged parenting norms. People have no idea what “good enough” parenting looks like — can’t even begin to plot the space between perfection & borderline child neglect. I think about this all the time & can’t do it
...and if they never hit that point (which is to say, if they're arranged their lives around avoiding that point, as I certainly have), they will never get there. That said, this is a tough hill to climb, because there are tons...1/?
...of tropes of the exact opposite: parents who swear they'll 'stay cool' and don't. Literally everyone knows that joke. Which I think speaks to both overwhelming cultural pressure (including the different mores of subcultures filled with parents vs not)...2/?
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