Not saying "don't warn your children about the dangers around them," I'm saying that children are actually pretty good at evaluating obvious, visible risks, especially once they've been pointed out, & that exploring them may actually be an important aspect to their development.
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Adults are terrible at evaluating risks to their kids, in this cultural moment erring hard on the side of total risk avoidance. I think instilling fear-compliance as a survival strategy is pretty harmful, but separately I think there's a high cost to having zero trust in children
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I don't have kids, not for lack of trying. I'm around a few parents who don't menace their kids at all (and are also pretty cool on bribery). No broken necks yet. Do you think they must be negligent?
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Replying to @webdevMason @Dam_Nuwen and
What I'm trying to get at: (1) do you think a fear-compliance relationship with your child is *necessary* to keep him safe, and, separately (2) do you think there are some negative consequences to having that kind of relationship?
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So the problem — and I'm speaking from direct experience, here — is that in a relationship, no single party determines what the "basis" of the relationship is; once you've established that disobedience will at *your discretion* be punished painfully, that colors everything else.
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How is punishing not hurting?
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I don't want to get bogged down in semantics, but if you do something to your child that makes him actively *afraid* of you in your capacity do that thing again, I think it's fair to call that thing "painful" or a form of "hurt."
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