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Basically, I don’t buy that “you’re not bad, the behavior was bad” makes any difference at all unless you can point out e.g. the unintended consequeces of the action. Kids aren’t dumb; progressive word choice won’t hide the implication that Bad Kids Are Like This
So there’s perhaps some sense in which labeling a kid with a personality disorder is at least a bit more honest
On the off-chance you haven’t run across it already, there are a great couple chapters related to this in Bowles and Gintis’s _Schooling in Capitalist America_ https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608461319
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