Slacks Fitwell

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Think about it: Nostradamus, Socrates, Eleanor Roosevelt...history's most prophetic quotes, all 140 characters. #TEDtalkohfuckgoddamn

"As we all know, the planet earth is 70% water. The rest? [next slide] Data." #tedtalksrock

Free long-distance calls to Hawaii and other exotic locales

Although Dostoyevsky had a delicate physical constitution, standing only 2 arshins and 6 vershoks

the only way Fast 7 could possibly out-race Fast 6 is if Shaq joins the cast as an undercover DEA agent who knows how to drive

Forum: Men's Health: How Do The Babes Clean Crap Off Side of Toilet Bowl W/O Weaners To Piss The Crap Off The Bowl With (Pages 1,2,3....889)

Live from the today show: "The Reverend" Al Roker forecasts floods and plague to punish our sins.

a bunch of guys with nervous eyes behind V for Vendetta masks are trying to DDoS my apartment, what do i do

accidentally signed a check Michael Jumping but they still took it. im just always thinking about jumping

a goofy comedy about siamese twins torn apart by the Civil War. the running joke is that they are on two different sides but share a dick.

just realized that Looper is the sequel to Disney's "The Kid"

what if the twist at the end of the sixth sense was that bruce willis was very shy

tried to watch movie "Ed" but i'm sick so it was basically just a fever dream with goofball noises, no vid--no monkey, no Matte La Blanca

leslie nielsen still strangely silent over O.J. simpson's most recent incarceration

nutty professor 2: the chubs

You know how the store keeps cilantro and parsley separate so people don't confuse them? Hollywood does that with me and Val Kilmer.

anti-CIPSA, pro-FUPA

it took pandora like six months to figure out that my music taste is just...Ghostbusters Theme on repeat. blimey. RIP @rayparkerjr1