Youth tells philosopher, life is hard and complicated and full of struggle. Philosopher says life is simple. Debate ensues They discuss the subjectivity of water temperature - 18deg is cool when weather is hot, warm when weather is cold. No escape from your own subjectivity
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P: Instead of lamenting about the world’s darkness, you could just remove the dark glasses. Y: people cannot change. I am suffering because of my inability to change Narrator: why is Y like this, so determined to refute P? Feelings of inferiority, self-pity, self-consciousness
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Y: people want to change precisely because they can’t P: why are you so adamant about this Y: I have an incel friend P: why do you think he can’t go out? Y: background? P: so cause and effect? determinism? Y: ya P: if determinism were true, wouldn’t everyone be incel
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Y: so u saying past doesn’t matter P: aye Y: so there’s no explanation why my friend can’t go out? P: your friend is insecure so he can’t go out. Flip it: he doesn’t want to go out, so he’s creating the anxiety. Y: ridiculous. You’re saying he’s pretending to be sick P: no
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P: the anxiety is real. But we need to focus on purpose, not cause Y: what’s the diff P: when you’re sick, it doesn’t matter why you’re sick Y: are you denying the existence of trauma?? P: yup. we are not determined by our experiences, but by the meaning we give them
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Y: so my friend wants to be miserable? P: he wants the attention Y: so you’re saying my friend is... happy? P: nah. He’s achieving his goal Y: wtf P: let’s not talk about your friend. What about you?
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Y: Yesterday someone spilled coffee on my nice jacket. I yelled in anger. I’m usually a quiet person. How do you explain this P: you got angry so that you could shout. Y: wtf P: if you had a knife on you, would you have stabbed him? Y: of course not P: you wanted to shout.
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P: a mom and daughter are quarrelling loudly. The phone rings, the mom answers politely. Then she’s angry again. Anger is a tool she uses to overpower her daughter and thereby assert her opinions Y: jfc you fucking distrustful nihilist
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P: lol what Y: u deny human emotion P: no. Everyone has emotions. But emotions can be controlled. It’s determinism that’s nihilistic. So u the nihilist, lol Y: I don’t want to be but the past is so powerful P: because you want it to be Y: god fucking damnit
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Y: ok so you’re saying I can become a joyous sunbeam P: do you want to be? Y: I think I’d be happy if I were P: so you are currently unhappy. Because you hate yourself? Y: yeah duh P: don’t feel bad, few people like themselves Y: do you? P: eh, I accept myself Y: ...
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P: you choose unhappiness Y: fuk u P: it’s because you think unhappiness is good for you Y: why the everloving fuck would I do that P: I don’t know. Debate me to find out Y: wtf. fine
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P: u chose your personality too, when you were about 10 Y: ?? Ok but suppose it’s true. So what now? I can choose it all over? P: yup. But you make the decision not to Y: ?? P: you describe yourself as unhappy. You say you want to change. So why not change? Y: HOW
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P: shitty + familiar lifestyle is more comforting than maybe-better but unfamiliar lifestyle. You are scared. You’re not incompetent, you’re just a coward. You lack the courage to be happy. Y: so what do I do P: make a decision to stop your current lifestyle. No more “if only”
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P: in fact, saying “if only I could be like X” is an excuse to not change. Like my wannabe-novelist friend, who wants to be a wannabe-novelist full of excuses, not a novelist who struggles and faces rejection Y: wow, big mood
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Y: so trauma and environment don’t matter, everything is my choice and my fault? Fucken harsh, man P: not criticising u. All that matters is what you do now Y: now now? P: the only now there is. The past doesn’t exist Y: this is some heavy shit. Brb next week P: lol k see u
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P: *story about student with fear of blushing* Y: so she fabricated that fear of blushing as an excuse for her own inability to confess her feelings. Or as a kind of insurance for when he rejected her P: yea. I told her “it’s easy to cure your fear. But I won’t help you”
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P: “it’s thanks to your fear of blushing that you can accept your dissatisfaction with yourself and the world around you, and with a life that isn’t going well. If I cured it, you’d probably ask for it back, and I can’t do that” Y:
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P: similarly, you dislike yourself preemptively because you are afraid of being disliked by other people. Your goal is not to get hurt in your relationships with others. You imprison yourself for safety purposes Y: sigh I hate you but you’re probably right P: life is pain
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P: furthermore, all problems are interpersonal problems (Visa: true) Y: that’s a lie! Academic sophistry! What about individual agony? P: we cannot do without interpersonal relationships. But so-called internal worry does not exist. The shadows of other people are everpresent
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Y: don’t humans have loftier, greater problems? Happiness, freedom, the meaning of life? And you’re saying interpersonal relationships are everything? P: are you familiar with the term “feeling of inferiority?” Y: yeah, duh. me_irl P: what are those feelings, specifically?
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Y: someone my age is more successful. What am I doing with myself? A friend is happy. Why am I miserable? Why don’t I make more money? Why aren’t I more accomplished? P: All of these are value judgements of yourself. You feel worth less Y: I know that feels
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P: look at me. What was your impression of me, physically? Y: ur short P: 155cm. When I was your age, this bothered me. I imagined a more enjoyable life was waiting for me 10-20cm higher. I told a friend this. He dismissed it as a bunch of nonsense Y: wow rude
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P: he said, what would you do if you got taller? You know, you’ve a gift for getting people to relax. tall men intimidate people (true) P: so it made me realize that being smol was desirable. It transformed my values. I let go of my feeling of inferiority
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P: my feelings about my height were subjective feelings of inferiority. If I hadn’t had anybody to compare myself against, I wouldn’t have any occasion to think I was short. You too are suffering from this. Understand that this inferiority is *subjective*, not objective
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P: value is based on a social context. A $1 bill’s value is nowhere near $1. If I were the only person in the world, I’d be putting those bills in my fireplace in winter, or using them to blow my nose. And I wouldn’t care about my height. All problems are interpersonal problems.
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(Gonna stop summarizing the dialectic and switch to a more bird’s eye view, otherwise this would go on for too long)
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everyone feels inferior in some ways + a desire to escape helplessness you can use feelings of inferiority as motivation to act. be watchful for when you use it as an excuse to give up there’s also a superiority complex - eg bragging. confidence doesn’t boast
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Some people will even brag about their misfortune. If you try to help them they’ll refuse the helping hand by angrily saying “you don’t understand how I feel”. Most people learn to treat these people carefully, specially. They become special. Weakness can be powerful
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Adler: the strongest person in our culture is the baby. The baby rules over the adults with his weakness. And it is because of this weakness that nobody can control him
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Y: but so... then what? Do we denounce the pursuit of superiority? P: just keep moving forward without competing or comparing yourself to others Y: how? P: don’t compare to others, compare to your ideal self. We’re all different. And we’re all equal
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