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you know that thing where people tease too roughly because they expect other people to tease back? i think i have that but for talking about myself.
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i find i'm bad at asking people questions about themselves not because i'm disinterested, but because on some level i expect them to just tell me. a different kind of ask/guess culture. the politeness of solipsism.
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how should i know what you ask you about you unless you tell me about you? people like to talk about themselves. and in some ways it's *more* demanding to expect the other person to ask you the right questions first.
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I doubt that is an effective strategy Humans are mostly self-effacing and find unprompted self-disclosure difficult, which is why performative narcissism and confessionalism pop so clearly. Adverse selection. I write tons, but rarely disclose personal stuff unless asked
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should rephrase: "talking about oneself" doesn't have to be emotionally personal. i mean more on the lines of "what i've been thinking about" or "what i'm up to."
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Even that’s pretty personal, since banal candid camera outtakes or life updates can be quite revealing. I think this is why most people do displaced sharing (food, travel, faved things...) that signal a lot without revealing much. Much safer.
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it does make sense. authenticity is vulnerability. and there is safety in permission. but if two people in a conversation are both playing it safe, then it can easily become a power thing (who will be vulnerable first?). and that can be tiresome.
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People also get less interested in connecting at all with age. As more relationships cash out at ‘disappointing’ we get less inclined to take the risk, modulo dating Suitably catalytic ‘first-move’ irl moments also dry up fast after college, increasing cost
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