you know that thing where people tease too roughly because they expect other people to tease back? i think i have that but for talking about myself.
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i find i'm bad at asking people questions about themselves not because i'm disinterested, but because on some level i expect them to just tell me. a different kind of ask/guess culture. the politeness of solipsism.
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how should i know what you ask you about you unless you tell me about you? people like to talk about themselves. and in some ways it's *more* demanding to expect the other person to ask you the right questions first.
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I doubt that is an effective strategy
Humans are mostly self-effacing and find unprompted self-disclosure difficult, which is why performative narcissism and confessionalism pop so clearly. Adverse selection.
I write tons, but rarely disclose personal stuff unless asked
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should rephrase: "talking about oneself" doesn't have to be emotionally personal. i mean more on the lines of "what i've been thinking about" or "what i'm up to."
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Even that’s pretty personal, since banal candid camera outtakes or life updates can be quite revealing.
I think this is why most people do displaced sharing (food, travel, faved things...) that signal a lot without revealing much. Much safer.
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