Most fights in close relationships (spouses, parents, siblings, best friends) follow this pattern:
A: Pushes a B button, b1
B: Pushes an A button in retaliation, a1
A: “Don’t push a1!” 😡
B: “Don’t push b1” 😡
*sulk*
*sulk*
Either A or B: *raises some tension-defusing subject*
Conversation
Replying to
How anyone feels about a relationship is the cumulative effect of their reactions (aka emotions) to the buttons pushed. A reaction can attenuate or amplify over time depending on multiple factors.
Replying to
Bubblewrap’s Law: Buttons that can get pushed, will.
Corollary: The closer you are to a person, the more buttons you know how to push.
3
Replying to
A: Pushes button
B: Pushes button harder, thinking they're pushing it equally
A: Pushes button even harder, also thinking they're pushing it equally
science.sciencemag.org/content/301/56
1
2
Replying to
If you never punish defections in an iterated prisoner's dilemma, you're pretty easy to beat.
1
Replying to
Converting buttons into sliders could help? What about Drop-down menus instead of Buttons? (Context switching during fights?)
Can we parse conflicts in relationships as partner-interface problems where buttons that needn't exist can be removed every Therapy "Sprint"?
1





