4/ These self-judgmental thoughts are clearly failing to parse useful meaning from the comments. They're a sort of fearful flinch response.
Conversation
5/ Could be an identity thing, about how much I'm identified with the post? →solution = keep my identity small? I think it's something else.
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6/ Another model is like... that parts of me think negative feedback is being said for the purpose of making me feel bad? Feels circular...
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7/ There's a quote in Passionate Marriage: "Why do you think you shouldn't be having the problems that you're having?" That feels relevant.
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8/ ie the self-judging part of me seems to think that the correct world state is for my essay to already be perfect, and otherwise = problem
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9/ but not just "problem"→"problem I shouldnt have" ie "problem that is a problem" Again circular. Not surprising for a kind of insanity tho
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10/ I think the problem {thing} involves some sort of fixation on the past. Problemy problem is not fixable because it's too late somehow.
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11/ So this stuck kind of problem isn't a problem-to-solve. It's a problem-to-feel-bad about. Hence shame response.
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12/ has written about how the shame response gets in the way of actually seeing the situation clearly:
medium.com/@visakanv/the-
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13/ Anyway, pragmatically speaking, what cognitive shift do I need to do in order to be able to effectively edit my essay?
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Maybe edit the essay instead of editorializing the editing of an a,ready very meta essay? 😂🙂
Yeah, that's the plan now 😉 This demon just needed exorcising first.🐙

