Culture encodes silences with meanings. We have context-sensitive opinions on rudeness/civility/caring levels of various silence durations..
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...the big challenge for those of us trying to go maximally asynchronous in our lives is to drain silences of their cultural significance...
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...the best way to do that we've discovered so far is to legibilize conversational state enough to "park" them between attention episodes...
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...sadly, this has a major cost. He very texture of kairos as opposed to chronos is illegible unfinished business hanging in the air...
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...to the extent relationships *are* a shared stream of consciousness, to legibilize a state enough to save it is to make it transactional..
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'Put a pin in it', 'to be continued', 'where were we'? are interesting convo pause/resume remarks that try to minimize state legibilization
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...something like an expensive signaling ritual to show you care. By reconstructing a consensus state from externally unsaved memory...
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...you show you care. It's a test of how much someone else is on your mind if you can contribute substance to 'where we're we?' rituals
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