Two terrible ones:
"I hate funerals. I'm not a mourning person."
"My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and bouillon cubes have made me a laughing stock."
chicken at library checkout: "boook"
librarian hands chicken a book
chicken: "book, boooook!"
librarian gives chicken another—it clips either under each wing and leaves
this repeats over several days, chicken returns two books and receives two
end of the week the librarian