Feels like you’ve been circling basically the same set of thoughts since I started paying attention, so superficially it looks like stuckness to me, but maybe it feels different?
It’s not a kind of processing I do, so unfamiliar
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You seem to want incredibly specific things out of life, like top 0.1% specificity among people I’ve known
I’m probably the other extreme — content to accept any of a 1000 ways my life could have turned out
I personally find the serenity prayer helpful
Or perhaps you’ve just not tried other goals on for size?
I’ve met very goal-directed people, and pure improv people and everything in between. You have a bit of typical mind fallacy going there. Strong goal-directedness is actually quite rare. Even the mimetic kind.
Maybe try a literal improv class? Safe way to experiment with being other people
I was actually heavily into theater — acting and directing — in college