Feels like you’ve been circling basically the same set of thoughts since I started paying attention, so superficially it looks like stuckness to me, but maybe it feels different?
It’s not a kind of processing I do, so unfamiliar
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You seem to want incredibly specific things out of life, like top 0.1% specificity among people I’ve known
I’m probably the other extreme — content to accept any of a 1000 ways my life could have turned out
I personally find the serenity prayer helpful
Not so much that it’s impossible as simply a form of self-avoidance. You are who you are. You look in a mirror and either see the possibilities of who you are, or all the ways you’re not someone else. The latter just seems odd to me.