Day 3
So, dreams are weird. How you gonna have me trying out every feature of a software for bugs all night and wake up feeling tired?? ridiculous
Conversation
I thought i would be experiencing anger and frustration a lot more than i am. Last time i quit i felt lowkey pissed all the time. But then, in 2016 i had far less agency, self-esteem, money, and tfw gf than i do now.
hard to be frustrated when things are working out for me
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instead I'm feeling sadness. possibly even woe. Not in the immediate moment, but like an underground river, deep and dark and swift. if i fall in i will be swept away.
a lot of loss in the last 5 years: moving several cities, falling out with friends, so much death. its heavy 😰
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Day 8
I thought weed was making me slow and paranoid. Now that I've quit, realize it was only half true. I'm paranoid so much faster
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yeah it's been a doozy of a day. first time I've really felt the irritability flare uncontrollably.
hasn't been that long, so I can't say whether this is just a crash from my previous heights or if this is my normal baseline and indeed worth medicating
might lose my mind yet
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2 week update
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Replying to @flybottlemist
easier than i thought tbh. more boring than anything. now that i have covid I'm kinda wishing i could just veg out but it's been 2 weeks and i don't have the repeating urge all day.
probably the worst part is the bizarro dreams but like I knew I was smoking to avoid those so
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1 month.
Honestly, i thought this would be both harder and more transformative.
Mostly it feels kind of the same. I am a little more focused, a little better at accomplishing things. It's not like i took Adderall though, on still distractable, still coming to twtr for dopamine
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i do feel like it's harder to shake a bad mood, harder to get into work mode, harder to get out of work mode after work.
I've always kind of have a sticky clutch mentally and I think I was using weed to help me switch gears. sometimes a walk helps I guess. or a beer, at night
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other phenomenological effects: time passes a lot faster? I think this probably because my short-term memory is working better. kind of a weird feeling tho, The days just fly by
Things aren't as funny either. Like things are still absurd but In a more dreary way
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Twitter is definitely feels worse. Just less interested in getting into other people's reality tunnels. Like cool, I guess I'm glad you had those thoughts, I'm not here to argue with you and I'm definitely not going to read all that..
find myself seeking out the weirdest posters
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