How did the “men will literally do X instead of going to therapy” meme start?
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I think this is one of the healthier things ”men” do. The instinct is sound. The median jackass activity X is healthier for working out issues than working with the median jackass (or jennyass) therapist.
Therapy is a good idea in theory. Therapists in practice otoh…
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The trick is to avoid the problem till it gets severe enough that there is ROI to hiring one of the top therapists, by learning all about Rome or something.
Gotta get the Ted Lasso grade therapist, not a budget strip mall rando.
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Now otoh, what does it say that the notional archetypal woman implied by the meme will literally run to any mctherapist than get a decent jackass-nerd hobby? 🤔
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It’s certainly the case that men go to therapy at half the rate as women and have 3x the suicide rate etc (but subtly, women have a higher attempt rate, men just succeed more often).
I’m just skeptical that sending the average troubled guy to the average therapist is helpful.
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More seriously: Can’t solve unhealthy masculinity cultures by sending individuals to therapy en masse. Jackass nerddom is an adaptation that works. I’ve seen more people rescued from mild-medium depression etc by the right nerd interest than therapy. For severe, go to therapy.
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I suspect men turn into nerds at 2x the rate as women and get into 3x the variety of subjects. Prob better net for individuals and society. Maybe more women should adopt a greater variety of nerdy interests.
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The thing is, the brain only comes in one grade of complexity. The brain of a high-flying CEO with issues and $1000/hr to throw at therapy is same complexity as that of a faceless blue collar type like Stanley Kowalski with $15/hr to spare and eyeing an opioid addiction instead
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Both are basically like malfunctioning rocket engines. But one gets a healer capable of dealing with the intricacy and complexity while the other gets somebody who…basically isn’t.
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In most other professions with a competency bell curve you can match the top people to the hardest problems, median people with the median problems, and the worst ones with the simplest prob,ems. That’s kinda hard to arrange with therapy. Even harder than with physical care.
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Everyone I’ve talked to who’s gone to therapy talks about painfully shopping around to find a fit. Most matches don’t work. I suspect many give up after a few misfits or settle for someone who does more harm than good. Or goes to the staff therapist because workplace forces it.
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I strongly suspect for many demographics, alternatives like a pastor or mentor work better on average at least for mild-medium needs. The money factor is finessed, there is more goodwill, and more humility on the part of the counterparty in recognizing the limits of helping.
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Big and important point
Quote Tweet
Replying to @vgr
especially for non-whites. the harm and futility in both frameworks and cultural fluency is well documented
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I have low confidence in my anecdotal observation of lower rate/variety of nerddom among women. Whatever difference there might be is likely accounted for by lower leisure time due to higher housework/childcare/eldercare loads. Controlling for leisure, rate/variety is likely same twitter.com/NeuralBricolag
This Tweet is unavailable.
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Consulting/exec coaching is therapy adjacent. One of my firm beliefs is that nobody can do both well. So for a client my fit test is “are your personal issues covered enough through either therapy or jackass nerd interests that we can focus externally on management/leadership?”
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Interestingy, from my experiences helping junior individual contributor types (usually as a favor since they can’t afford to pay my rates) their psychological issues are more complex, not less. And typical blue collar types make me go “I’m not touching that with a 10 ft pole”
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In fact a selection pressure working for leadership roles is “are your issues simple enough to compartmentalize and solve with $?”
Average mental health issues work are too complex to fix, at an acceptable price, so end up as attrition forces.
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This is counterintuitive because famous leaders often exhibit almost cartoonish mental health issues, but this is in fact a tell. Their issues are simple enough to caricature into archetypes like “entrepreneur with chip on shoulder and adoption trauma” and manage effectively
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The average grunt otoh is trapped in an NP-hard mental condition that’s unfortunately not worth solving given available human unit economics. Give him a “history of Rome” book and hope he copes without opioids.
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Btw even if you interpret “therapy” as synecdoche for not looking inwards at all, I think avoiding and externalizing/displacing is on average sound. Most people suck at introspection, and have like 0 frames for it. Or worse, 1 really bad frame. They’re better of coping outwards.
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Random data-point: Jordan Peterson is a therapist and in fact a very good one if you look at his history/practice and publications and stuff. But the attempt to deliver his abilities at scale to a mass male audience... didn't go so well either for him or the audience.
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I met him once before he got famous, and was quite impressed.
Now imagine the outcomes if you try to scale therapy from even the top 20% (I've met a few others in that band and... was not impressed)
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