I like to take joy in that things which are alien, shocking, embarrassing or even shameful to many people, and past versions of myself, are to me completely normal now
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"De-armoring? Hell yeah—sign me up!"
I know exactly what it means, what the benefit will be, and for me it feels like it would be an utter shame to live my life without going through this or an analogous process
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A part of me still doesn't know quite what to do with knowing that most people in my life may never know what I'm talking about
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I suppose there's little difference with, say, understanding how the Internet actually works infrastructurally (and also the limits of my understanding there)
I've earnestly read IETF RFCs, yet most people around me probably don't really understand what a server is
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There's a weird kind of humble brag energy to this
Like a "oh, you really have no idea, but don't worry about it, it's pretty obscure!"
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One thing this is hiding is that I truly want everyone in my life to de-armor, and understand how the Internet works
It's actually sad to me that people will die without knowing that liberation, and I feel lonely imagining I won't be able to connect with people
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On a pseudo-spiritual level, I believe the sages when they reassure me that everything is perfect the way it is, and that I will come to realize that directly through practice
But right now I'm not there
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Instead I'm deriving some perverse pleasure from casually sharing that I'm doing this intense, vulnerable thing, and judging myself for being self-absorbed about it
You are probably not ready for this, but trust me, the journey here is worth it
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I'm sad that the world isn't picking up the tools that it came use to liberate itself
I mean really practical, down to earth stuff that doesn't really conflict with science and delivers great results quickly
Stuff that seems kind of woo for like a second until you try it
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There are really good models of how you work, how the world works, how to live an amazing life, how to grow
It's all just right there
You just need to admit you need help and reach out for it
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Glad this path is working for you but there are excellent reasons why everyone doesn’t just surrender to these seemingly universal and wonderful answers. The variety of paths in the world exists for a reason.
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Oddly enough, I discovered that this particular tradition, which can be described as a fully-fledged shamanic religion, has a wonderful model for grokking this point—or rather, a map that includes the point where you don't realize it preceding the point where you do
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