Whoa, shocked at how this one came out. Infantilizing respect is unquestionably better for me. I might even prefer infantilizing contempt to adultizing respect sometimes.
I notice I'm confused; maybe I'm misunderstanding what "infantilizing" means, but I'd have expected that a busybody ignoring & "going around" your preferences (with the attitude that you are incapable of understanding (and/or unworthy of receiving) an explanation) would irk you.