Conversation

Never attribute to a meaning crisis what can be adequately explained by poverty Never attribute to anomie what can be adequately explained by dehydration Never attribute to loneliness what can be adequately explained by not looking hard enough for a good tv show to watch
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Whenever I post sociological theories like this, people object or point out that getting a SO relationship should be part of the model, ie getting a girlfriend or boyfriend. I’m not convinced of this. IMO that’s usually the consequence of getting your shit together, not a cause.
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There was a thing I read a while back that argued that this is a key diff between red and blue. In Red America the theory is you grow up when you get married. In Blue America, the theory is you get married once you grow up. In this case I think Blue theory is objectively correct.
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If you are messed up and seek a relationship as part (or all) of the solution, you’re just going to mess up the relationship too. Unless the other person is a seriously saintly genius good at rescuing people. More likely you’ll find someone approximately as messed up as yourself.
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I recall the red/blue families theory was hotly debated and contested with statistical wmds etc so I won’t stress the potential for empirical support, but limiting to my anecdotal experience, my theory tracks.
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Nice terminology, and yeah financial stability is a confounding variable. If true, cornerstone theory seemingly contradicts mine, but not really. You need minimum viable non-messed-up-ness to do cornerstone well too.
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Replying to @vgr
I’ve heard two competing theories of marriage: “cornerstone” (grow as you go together) vs “capstone” (last adulthood milestone between two fully formed individuals). I think “capstone” attitudes make it harder to get & stay married. Confounder is that financial stability helps.
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Possibly “meaning crisis” is basically a desire for a red script in a blue setting. Have cake and eat it too sort of thing. Get advanced grad degree and work in a sophisticated bleeding edge field making big bucks in a big city… while getting married at 22 with 3 kids by 25.
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If that’s the circle you’re trying to square and not have it be dumb luck, all the best to you. You’d need a lot bigger flowchart to get there reliably and you’d have to start scheming at 14, and get it right. There’s zero room for error in that script.
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Human-complete problems take at least a decade of adulthood to solve even heuristically to a decent approximation. Every year you wait past 18 to make big decisions improves chances you’ll get it right enough by a bit. Past 28, marginal gains plateau. Past 35, you waited too long
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